Sunday, June 06, 2010

letter to trinity: 59 months

Dear Trinity,

Its funny how time gets away from us. How when we're in the moment, things can seem so monumental, and you can feel so certain that the details of any experiences will stay with you for all time. And then when the time comes to reflect on past moments, you can feel the emotional weight of certain moments but draw a complete blank on the details you were certain that you would hold onto forever.

That's my long-winded way of saying I can't currently remember one thing I wanted to write about this month. I spend nowhere near the time with you that your Mom does, but I always want to think that everything that you say or do that impresses, offends, or otherwise engages me must be so much more meaningful for the fact that I don't get those moments as often. But all this really does is show that I should keep a journal or something to keep those moments handy.

What's new this month? Well, the nice weather showed up, and we've been trying to enjoy it for as long as it lasts. You've been spending plenty of time playing at the lake, and we've made a few family forays to the public beach now that we don't have to get out fill at the local pool.

You seem to have more than your usual share of bruises and bumps lately, primarily on your shins, and we think you're heading into a growth spurt, with all the normal balance issues that come into play as your body catches up with the height and limb length changes.

You and I have been practicing soccer a lot in the yard, something that you've just sort of decided you are really into. We tried to get you signed up for the soccer season here, but it turns out there are a lot more interested kids than spaces, so we missed out there. We'll try again next year. For me, playing one on one with you in the yard is way more fun anyways.

You continue to amaze me with your development. Your empathy is on my mind tonight, because of something that happened earlier. Your Grandma fell and broke her arm, rather badly today, and you haven't yet had the chance to see her to talk to her about it. We danced around it a bit when telling you about it, but your need to understand exactly what we were talking about convinced us to just give it to you straight. You weren't upset for her, but you immediately responded by wanting to see her and see if she was ok. And when we convinced you that wasn't a good idea, you came up with the idea of bringing her ice cream 'because that always makes me feel better!' and to make her a feel better card. You're just awesome that way.

This is the last month I will right a letter to a four year old, and this year feels like it is made of more milestone than the last few previous have. I will have a 5 year old daughter in a few weeks, and that just feels hard to get ahold of. The last five years have gone by so quickly, but have been so fulfilling, and so much more enriched by having you in my life. I hope that someday you can look back at your early life and feel similarly, but you might have to wait for the old cliche of having your own kids before that has the same emotional context that I have. I do find myself thinking of my own childhood more lately, now that I can see your childhood reflected back at me from your eyes. And every time I hear you lament that you wish you a grown up, I tell you that I would be happy to switch places with you. And that's not parental doublespeak: I mean it.

I can't wait to celebrate your birthday with you soon sweetheart, and I hope that we get to make the most of having lots of time together this summer, your last before you really do have to start school.

I love you,