Letters to Trinity

letter to trinity: 79 months

2012-02-08T21:00:00.000-05:00

Dear Trinity,

Well we're halfway through another winter, or close enough thereabouts.

You attended a play this month with a few of the classes from your new school. Your Mom got to go along to chaperone, and that part you liked. The play itself, not so much. You went to see a local production of Annie, and when I got home from work and asked you how it was you spelled out your feelings for me, and wouldn't say another word about it. You told me Annie was spelled H-A-T-E. I don't know what it was about it that you disliked so much, and your Mom didn't seem to know either, but hopefully it doesn't hold for all theater, just that one. I hope to take you to some cool performances someday. I've thought about taking you to the ballet (not something super high on my list of fun things to do), but I think it would be a really interesting thing to experience, and if I went with you, I know I could enjoy it. Maybe the opposite could be true too.

One of the fun features of that shiny new school of yours that we love so much has shown itself this month: winter electives. Your old school either didn't do them, or didn't do them for your grade. Either way, it amounts to the same thing. But your new school offers a different activity one day per week in February. So far, you've done swimming only; basically most of your school went to the YMCA and took the place over. Your Mom chaperoned that one too. Next month you get to try gymnastics (something that you've done many times, as we had you in classes before), and then its skating at an outdoor rink, and I am chaperoning that one. I am really excited to take part in something to do with your school life, even if its just an afternoon at the rink.

Speaking of outdoor activities, you and I went out for our second year of downhill skiing, and it was fantastic. Things started out slowly, and in the beginning you were leaning on me to do a lot of the work for you. So we held hands a lot and I think we were both getting a little frustrated. But once you started to feel confident enough, and I encouraged you enough, you tried snowplowing, turning on your own. And after that, there was no looking back. By the end of the day, you were able to get down the hill all on your own. Sure there were plenty of falls, some accidental, and some where you fell back when you were getting scared or felt out of control (I was so happy that you listened to me on that one). But you had a great time, and want to go back again soon. And as proud of yourself as you were, and should have been, you really liked being able to ride the lift up all by yourself the most.

One noteworthy item this month, is how your playing has becoming more and more sophisticated. I don't know if its the new school or you just developing, but it seems like your play gets more interesting all the time. Since xmas, you have been playing with this one special doll that your Mom's parents got for you, and you've taken to calling her your sister. She's one of these handmade dolls that has their own name, fitted clothing, etc. It looks pretty lifelike actually, and you like to play together, get read to and tucked in together. You've taken it outside with you to play, and have generally become quite attached to it. Your Mom and I took this to mean that maybe you would want a sibling after all, so we asked you how you felt about it, to which you promptly responded no, that your doll is the only sister you need.

I am really feeling lately that my time with you is so short, no matter how long I am going to get to be around for. I had a little health scare that's played out over the last few months, and so far it hasn't amounted to anything major. Hopefully it doesn't. I want to be around for you for a long time to come. But between that and the pretty big changes I've gone through recently at work, I've been thinking a lot about what I am missing. I don't work really long hours at work or take frequent trips out of town any more, nor am I out every night with friends or anything. I am home with you a lot of the time, and we do lots of different things together. We play games and cards together (old maid and go fish are your current favourites), colour together, sometimes we'll build a huge fort and just chill out. I am home to have supper with you every night and have a bedtime routine where I read to you before sleep every other night. I try to do things that I think will be fun for you (like taking you skiing), but no matter what I do, it feels like it isn't enough sometimes. I guess I get a little greedy, but I don't know how long I will get to be around for, and the one thing I know with a certainty is that I'll never look back on my life and wish that I had spent less of it with you. Just in case you need me to say it, or if its not evident in my actions, you are the most important thing in my life.

So one of the things that all this leads to is that I am going to stay home every morning to put you on the bus. Your Mom chafes at this one a bit, because up until now, that has been her domain, but if I only stay another 10-15 minutes later and it means I get to put my little girl on the bus, its worth it to me. Another thing this is likely to lead to is a family vacation. Your Mom and I have talked over the last few years about taking you to a certain place in Florida that's mostly for kids. Think castles, rides, animated mouses with big ears. So we are doing some digging into that and seeing if we can make it work. I hope to have more to tell you on that one in later letters.

I love you,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 78 months

2012-01-06T22:11:00.000-05:00

Dear Trinity,

Well, a new year is here, and I have some things to tell you about.

We finally decided what to do about your issues at school, and in part because of your asking, we ended up switching you to a new one. So now you go to the school that your Mom and I went to when we were both kids, which is pretty neat. The people at the school were extremely welcoming and understanding of some of the issues you've been having around you not relating to the other kids at the old school, the boredom you've been facing, the general anxiety you've been having about school in general. You also got to be a part of the holiday play, which was really great because you only started a few weeks before school let out for the year.

We invented a new game over at your Uncle's house. He has a floor rug with square patterns on it showing various outdoor animals, leaves, etc. So we created an impromptu game of twister on it one afternoon while we were visiting. You enjoyed 'Redneck Twister' so-called, so much that you ended up getting the real game for xmas, and we've been playing a lot of it.

Speaking of xmas, another one of those has come and gone. Santa was good to you this year, as were your parents, your grandparents, your aunts and uncles, etc, etc. But in spite of being the only kid handy to spoil like crazy, you so far manage to stay unspoiled. You actually were as interested in giving presents and seeing the reactions those got than getting presents of your own. Some of the presents you picked out on your own with your Mom and I, some you bought at the bazaar at your old school, and some you made all on your own.

In other news, you've started something completely new this month: sleepwalking. You woke us up one night when we heard loud noises in the middle of the night coming from the basement stairs, and it turned out to be you coming back up from a little foray down there with the lights off. I think you got out of bed, went downstairs, used the bathroom, and then came up to stand in our doorway, dragging a blanket from the basement with you. It must have been a cold sleepwalk. We'll be keeping an eye on that one.

Lastly, there will be a few changes coming related to your Mom and my work life. To date, since you came into our lives, your Mom has not worked, but first stayed home with you until you were old enough to go to school, and then volunteered a lot at your school. Now you've switched schools, and she might not have the opportunity to help out as much, so it looks like she'll be working more to help out. And there's been a bit of a wrinkle at my work. I am about to start a new job, and while it wasn't of my choosing, I am going to use the opportunity to start over somewhat. So no more of these crazy long days, trips out of town a lot. I will be home earlier, and might even have the opportunity to pick you up from school sometimes.

Here's to hoping the weather starts getting colder and we get more snow, so we can start doing some of the winter activities you love and keep asking for. We've got skating, downhill skiing and ice fishing to do!

Love you lots,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 77 months

2011-12-06T18:45:00.000-05:00

Dear Trinity,

Winter is coming. Sorry, I've been reading 'A Song of Ice and Fire' a lot and I've been saying that a lot lately. I'll explain someday.

That said, it is coming. We had a really early snowfall this year, so it's barely into December and we've got a lot of snow on the ground. We've been doing some early tobogganing, building snowmen, snow tag, all that good stuff. Neither the ski hill, nor any of the outdoor ice rinks will be ready for weeks, but they're coming.

You've had a fun month since we last spoke. Your Mom and I took a mini-vacation for a few days (our first in so very long), so you spent the time we were gone with your grandparents. You've had sleepovers with them before, but never because we were out of town, nor for so long. You weathered it great; went to school as per usual, stayed up late with the grandparents, and very likely tired them out.

You also had a unique experience at school. I won't comment on the continuing challenges there, but you did get selected to be the star in the Grade 1/2 presentation at this year's Remembrance Day ceremony. They did a group sing of a Dixie Chicks song called Travellin' Soldier, and it centers around a girl with a bow in her hair. And that girl was played by you. You did great, but I think all of the smiling and thumbs up we did before the ceremony only added to your anxiety, instead of relieving it.

One new thing we tried out this past month: real live bowling. We've been playing Wii bowling for a long time at home, and thought that we should take all of your butt-kicking skills out in the real world. You did great, and because of the 'no-gutterball' rule they have for kids (guards come up to prevent the ball from going over), you beat your Mom and I pretty handily.

Anyways, big month ahead. Christmas is coming, and I'm going to try to spend some extra time with you guys. Hopefully the ski hill will be open, as you really loved that last year and have been asking about it regularly.

Love you lots,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 76 months

2011-11-05T12:03:00.000-04:00

Dear Trinity,

Another month goes by, and I'm here to give you a few highlights.

We've been up to a few new things lately. Your uncle jumped right on the thought that we might buy a four wheeler (we've been talking about getting one), so he took us all out on some trail riding. We had fun, but we might have gone a little too far off the regular trails; by the time we got home, only Uncle Dave still wanted us to get a four wheeler. You found it uncomfortable, and your Mom had a fair bit of anxiety when we got into a few tight/steep/potentially dangerous spots.

An update on the Halloween party we talked about. We did have your Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents over for a little house party to compensate for not going out for Halloween. Everyone was told the price of admission was either wearing a costume or their pyjamas. Most opted for a costume. You played a great host, we ate spooky treats, scary punch, played some games. But here's the funny part: We did this because you decided against trick or treating, but when the big night came, you had a change of heart. So we ended up driving you around the neighborhood anyways. You made out like a bandit.

Your challenges with school haven't been going away, I'm afraid. We had a parent teacher interview and had a pretty frank discussion with your teacher about some of the issues you've been facing. The bottom line is that this year you spend time outside of the classroom by yourself, and when you are in the classroom, you're bored out of your mind. You stress about going to school all the time when you're home, and your Mom and I are pretty concerned. We'll see what happens now that we've spoken with your teacher again, but it might be time to look at other options. Your Mom would love to home school you I think, but I don't think socializing with only a 35 year old is your best option, cool as that 35 year old is.

One other challenge of note before I get to The Coolest Thing Ever: Bedtime has been a bit of a challenge lately, maybe due to the aforementioned school issues. Lately as soon as it looks like bedtime is on the horizon, you start acting out, wanting to play hard, usually until someone sustains a minor injury, and you pick that moment to start asking any question you think we'll get us to talk and forget that you needed to go to bed. Lots of fun.

Now, The Coolest Thing Ever. You read the entire book Green Eggs and Ham to us this month, in one sitting, without prompting. We have been reading to you almost every night since we found out you were coming, and you have been reading to us sporadically, sometimes books from school, sometimes some of your own shorter books. But I haven't had a prouder moment since you were born until the day you asked if you could read that book to me, cover to cover. It was awesome.

See you next month.

Love,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 75 months

2011-10-09T10:01:00.000-04:00

Dear Trinity,

So you've now got a month of school under your belt, and it turns out that it wasn't as bad as it could have been after all. The first few weeks the only thing you wanted to tell us about school was that it was boring. But now that you are starting to get into the new and challenging things you are doing, you seem to be anything but bored. You are doing much more complicated reading, and math, and have started really talking about things like science and even a little history. I am so proud of my little princess for making the most of a situation that she didn't embrace in the first place.

One of the challenges that neither you nor we were expecting was the way that some of your friendships would change. The girl who was your best friend last year and you spent a lot of time with over the summer, seems to want to spend her time at school with one of the new boys in the class. These things happen, but it turns out that you aren't the kind of kid to take that lying down. You shocked me when you showed me a book you made for this little girl, identifying the problem that was coming between your friendship. It showed a depth to you that I wouldn't have expected to see surface like that. Plus the book was really cute.

So speaking of making books though, I wanted to talk for a moment about what you want to spend the time you aren't either sleeping or in school doing: colouring pictures and making books out of them. Your pictures are becoming sophisticated enough that you can tell a narrative inside the pages. Its really cool actually. You've made me a few of them, and they always make me smile. It comes across as a little bit borderline obsessive, as you really want to be colouring all the time. In the car, during dinner, during a movie even.

Speaking of movies, we took you to see The Lion King in 3D this month, and it was a pretty funny coincidence that we ran into one of the new girls in your Grade 1 class at the same show. Coincidence because your school is a rural one, and we rarely run into your classmates in town. But it was great. You got to sit beside your friend, and you too laughed and whispered the whole movie. Even when you were taking time to colour a picture during the show.

One last thing that I wanted to talk about was your position on Halloween this year. Its interesting, because its different than the last few. You are becoming very sensitive to scary things, probably having to do with some certain family member exposing you to something that you were too young for (ahem. Doctor Who, anyone?). So now you try your best to avoid the Halloween sections of anywhere we shop, you don't like to see Halloween commercials, and you have decided that you want nothing to do with trick or treating this year. Instead you want to host a Halloween party at our house, and you've invited lots of family, family friends, etc. I think its going to be fun to go this route. And we're all included in the requirements to dress up, so you've been trying to help me figure out what your Mom and I what will wear, and how that will change what you are going to wear yourself. Currently, you are going to go as Rapunzel as a bride. That has somehow made your Mom Eugene, and me Maximus, the horse. All from the Disney movie Tangled in case you need context. Should be an interesting party.

Love you,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 74 months

2011-09-08T21:57:00.000-04:00

Dear Trinity,

Its been an eventful month, overshadowed somewhat by the anxiety that you, your Mom, and yes, even I have been feeling about you going back to school. I took a week off with you and your Mom, and we had lots of fun and a few misadventures, but I'll get there.

First up, we kicked off our vacation time together by camping out in the backyard. And because we live in the boonies, its more like camping than most campsites. We bought a bunch of camping gear, sleeping bags, a nice tent, camp chairs. Dinner around the campfire, mosquitoes, reading stories in the tent, an animal sniffing around the tent in the middle of the night; the whole works. We even happened to be camping on the best night of the summer meteor shower. You and your Mom were out cold by the time the show started, but I layed in the tent and watched the show until the wee hours of the morning. Probably minutes after I fell asleep was when we heard the animal I mentioned. Based on what we've seen roaming the neighborhood recently, I'm pretty sure it was a bear. Don't freak out or anything. You were as safe as you could be covered in an extremely flimsy house made of nylon.

We took advantage of your grandparent's caretaking duties in a great way this month. They look after a cottage next to their place for a family of Americans, and the cottage is only used for a few days each summer. So when we were talking about going away somewhere, your grandparents wanted us to take advantage of the cottage, and we did. We stayed there for 4 nights, and we got to watch the sunset over the lake every night. We barbecued, played on the beach, and planned to do a lot of swimming and canoeing. It was fantastic.

However. It wasn't all wonderful. I mentioned the planning to swim and canoe. We didn't get to do as much of those as I had wanted us to, or rather, I didn't get to do as much of them as I wanted to. On our first canoe trip out in the main lake, we decided to paddle over to an island close to shore. In trying to make sure that your Mom didn't have to get out first, even though I was at the rear, I made a pretty silly mistake. I misjudged the water depth when trying to get out to pull the canoe ashore, and when it looked like I was going to tip you both in the lake, I slammed my foot down hard to try to balance it out. In so doing, I cut my foot quite badly on a rock. A trip to the hospital and a number of stitches later, I put a bit of a damper on the vacation, but we made the best of it.One really awesome thing was that you found something called a Cast Shield when looking with your Mom at the drugstore for something I could use to swim without getting my foot at all wet. It looked a bit ridiculous, but it worked like magic. You rock.

What else did we do this month? Well, we made another trip down south, this time a working vacation. I had to go down to St. Catharines for work for a few days, but with you both off, I was able to bring you both with me. So while I was at work all day, you and your Mom managed to find some fun things to do, in the city you were born in. You went and visited with your Aunt (my sister) and your cousins, you did some shopping with your Mom, and some swimming in the hotel pool. We managed to do a few fun things in the evenings though, one of them being going to one of the few remaining drive in theaters in Canada. There's something to be said for the experience of chilling out in your car and watching a movie on a gigantic screen. The movie, in case you were wondering was the Smurfs. And you loved it.

So now we come to the elephant in the room: back to school. It hung around a lot over the summer, lots of conversations about how anxious you were, how you didn't want to go to school, switch teachers, move into a different grade. But the day has now come and gone where you got back on the bus and drove to school for the first time this year, and you're going to be fine with it. I think you will have some adjustments to make, but I know you are up for it. You are smart, and friendly, and empathetic to your friends, and make new ones easily, so I expect that this won't be as bad as we think it might be. But I'll update you more next month.

Love,

Your Daddy

letter to trinity: 73 months

2011-08-04T21:25:00.000-04:00

Dear Trinity,

We're halfway through another summer already, and although its been a lot of fun already, I am already starting to dread the return to school. Even though I am at work a lot while you and your Mom are off together, it feels like we're all on vacation. I come home, we go swimming, we make a later dinner, we play outside for awhile, and it doesn't get dark for what feels like forever.

In the last month, we've done a few road trips, and tried to have fun along the way. We went down to Toronto on one trip and we fit in a bunch in the one trip. We went and stayed with friends of ours for an afternoon and a night, and you spent the entire day, evening and next morning in the pool. They keep it at an almost ludicrous 90 degrees Fahrenheit, which is about the same as a nice warm bath. So its no wonder that you didn't want to get out. I'm surprised you didn't ask for bubble bath.

You also had a really good time on their backyard swing, and have repeatedly asked since for one in our backyard.

On the same trip, we had a family reunion (mine, not your Mom's). Most of your Grandpa's family came, with a few notable exceptions. We had it at my cousin's house, on a nice sunny afternoon. It was hot, and they have a large, sloping backyard. So it seemed to make sense that they would put down plastic sheeting all the way down the hill, and then have the adults taking turns spraying the hose on it to make a homemade waterslide. You had almost as much fun sliding as you did hosing me down when it was my turn to water the slide.

Our next stop on this particular trip was to the zoo. And we got to do the coolest thing; petting sharks and sting rays. They've had it there for a few years, but we've never thought to check it out before. This was the right year to do it, because I think that you could have been scared earlier, but this year you loved touching them, watching for them, feeding them. Getting splashed by them. That was pretty cool too.

Not all we did was travel this past month. We managed to have a 6th birthday party for a certain little girl. This year, we let you pick who was coming to your party, and we had a separate party for just family the next day. So your party was populated by kids from your class, their siblings, and some of their parents. It was quite the crowd, but it was a gorgeous day, and we had a great time. I had a few very anxious moments, because someone (I think it was me) had suggested we take the kids swimming at the lake across the road. So we did, but I ended up being the only adult in the water. With 16 splashing, screaming kids. It was utterly exhausting. But you had a good time, and that's all that ever matters.

I am looking forward to another month of nice weather, hanging out with my girls before its back to another school year.

Love,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 72 months

2011-07-03T15:41:00.005-04:00

Dear Trinity,

Its been a big month for you in a few different ways. First up, you finished your first full year of school. When I first heard that there was going to be a graduation ceremony, I was surprised; I hadn't thought of senior kindergarten as something to mark with this kind of event, but knowing what a big deal this year was for you, I was all for it.

This year really was a major milestone for you. You had previously spent your entire life, with a few rare exceptions, in the company of myself, or far more often with your Mom. Last year, you started going to school a few days a week, but that ended up being too hard on everyone, so we pulled you out and you spent the remainder of the year at home. This year, you went to school nearly every single day, taking the bus there and back, and participating fully. You went on school field trips, and brought home books to read, artwork you'd created, tales to share with your Mom and I of your adventures. Your Mom was lucky enough to spend a lot of time with you there as well, volunteering whenever she could, so you did still get to see her. I hope to be a part of plenty of graduation ceremonies over the course of your life, but this first was a very special one.

I should probably tell you the Doctor Who story at some point, and now is no worse than any other. I am a huge scifi/genre fan, and have an affinity for media that your Mom doesn't understand a single bit. I read superhero comics, listen to audiobooks that are made up mostly fantasy and science fiction, and my favourite all time television show is Doctor Who. You know this, as I talk about it sometimes, even though your Mom couldn't care less what happens, but you are interested, so you ask me. You have drawn me pictures of the Tardis, and acted out some Doctor Who play with me, even though you hadn't ever seen the show. So, that last bit changed last month. You had been bugging me to let you watch it, and I picked an episode that was more intro to a new person playing the title character, and didn't have too much scary or inappropriate content. You loved it, and didn't seem to be too affected by it, so I made the mistake of letting you watch another one, that was a little scarier, and had a few moments I had to skip past. The nightmares you had that night and a few since have pretty much guaranteed that you will not want to watch it again for a very long time. You and your Mom have been taking to calling it Doctor Poo. And then giggling. But if that helps you deal with being scared, thats all right by me. I know you'll come around again, and want to be into what Daddy's into again soon enough.

One thing that we've done again this month was a home made fireworks show. The three of us took over your grandparents house over a weekend while they were out of town, and one of the things we took advantage of was the access to their beach, and the ability to set off fireworks on it over the lake in the evening. So your Uncle Dave and I bought a large amount of fireworks of various sizes and set them off, while your Mom, your Aunt Morgan (they're not married, but close enough) and you sat on the dock to watch. It was fun.

While we waited for it to get dark, we each took turns trying to teach you to skip stones. I don't know if this was the best thing to teach you, but that might be because the most skips I could get were 4 or 5. Your Uncle got a few off in the double digits. Look up sour grapes at some point.

You started playing soccer this month. We signed you up for a local league with a number of your playmates and you've been enjoying it for the most part. You play two nights a week, and its sometimes hard to get you excited about it, as you're not quite as keen on the sport as you were last year. But you have gone to most of your games, and you've been getting steadily more confident as you play, engaging more, going after the ball, even scoring a goal at one game. I was out of town for work for that game, but you called me right after and I made a huge deal out of it, even though you downplayed the event. I was (and am) so proud of you. But that's an always thing, not something dependent on you scoring goals.

I can't wait to take some time off with you this summer, enjoy your birthday, and spend some time with you while you're on your school break.

Talk to you next month.

Love Daddy

letter to trinity: 71 months

2011-06-04T11:53:00.003-04:00

Dear Trinity,

Well, its almost here. Your 6th birthday. I have these moments where it hits me, the length of time between now and the day you were born. They are melancholy moments. But I don't get too sad, because I have been lucky enough to be a part of your life all this time, and hopefully longer. So its all good.

As far as what's been taking place lately, you continue to impress everyone with your reading skills. You have been bringing books home from school, and they get more and more complicated to read, yet you seem to be having no trouble at all with them. Longer sentences, harder words, longer books as well. I suppose that you must be memorizing the words as you read them, but you have to make your way through them first. Both your Mom and I have been reading you a story each every night for years, and it so amazing to climb into bed and have you read to me. It makes me so proud.

Another thing you keep getting better at is your ability to count everything you encounter. I talked last time about how you have been counting, but I wanted to point out how you make a game of counting sometimes, when you see a series of numbers, when we play a game of cards, anything really. So you've got the reading started off well, you're working on the math. I'd say you're on the right track.

We went garage saleing! That can't be the right spelling, but it is the act of going to garage sales, looking at the stuff other people are looking to get rid of, and buying it for as little as possible. There was a neighborhood garage sale on our street and we went around and got you a load of stuff for a few dollars. Kind of goes in hand with the whole learning about counting business, as it relates to learning about money.

Anyway Rosie, that's about all I have for now. Next month, your first soccer game, details about your birthday, plans for the summer. I am very excited about all those things, and I hope to have some fun details to share with you.

Love,

Daddy.

letter to trinity: 70 months

2011-05-02T21:15:00.006-04:00

Dear Trinity,

So what's new? This month I wanted to take a second to talk about how really proud I am of the speed and accuracy you are learning new skills, both at school and from your Mom and I. Lets start with:

You can read!! These 3 words will light the way for you for the rest of your life. You can read. You are careful and very hard on yourself when you don't know a word or struggle for more than a moment, but you are so impressive to listen to. You bring home some books from school and you have been reading them to us and loving the praise we are happy to give. You are great with word flashcards as well, rhyming them off as fast as I can flash them at you. I test you once in awhile when I am reading to you at night to see if you can help me with certain words, and you do. Its awesome.

Something else that you have been getting really great at is singing. You find a song that you like and you want to listen to it over and over again until you get every word. So far you've blown through most of Lady Gaga's hits, some Keisha, and the soundtrack from Barbie Fairy Secret.

A funny thing happened with you and watching movies this month. We've been trying to get you to watch Tangled for about 6 months now, and for some reason you just weren't into it, but one night we got you to agree to watch a few minutes of it. You've seen it about 42 times since then.

One last thing I wanted to talk about was how good you are at counting these days. You speed count your way from one to one hundred in under a minute, and you can count your way to about 50 by 2s, 5s and 10s.

Oh, and by the way, would you like to know what I find the cutest thing right now? For some reason, the way you pronounce the word anemone. It comes out of you something like amin-oh-knee. It came up when we were reading Finding Nemo, and I bring it up as often as I can now because it makes me giggle. Every time.

I love you Trin,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 69 months

2011-04-09T21:23:00.004-04:00

Dear Trinity,

Well, it looks like we got through another winter. The snow is finally melting and we are bracing for the next week of rain, if the weather forecast holds up. That's ok though. Better rain than snow this time of year, and puddles were made to be jumped in.

We had a pretty eventful March. With your first year of school came your very first March break, and I took a few days off to spend time with you and your Mom. We took a little overnight road trip to take you to Science North in Sudbury, and really just to have an excuse to stay in a nice hotel. You spent plenty of time in the pool, and the hot tub. And as nice as Science North was, I think you would have been just as happy to keep your bathing suit on.

One down side of the trip was that I came home with Salmonella food poisoning (thanks a lot Pizza Hut), and you came home with an ear infection. So the weekend before you went back to school ended up being a bit of a bed-ridden mess, but we got through it just fine.

I have been taking some trips for work lately, and I try to come back with a little something whenever I can for my princess. Sometimes I bring you back something girly and typical, but I took the opportunity to visit Silver Snail, a comic shop in Toronto so I could get you something more in line with our shared interests, and when I found the Doctor Who Sonic Screwdriver, I knew I had a winner. Its no TARDIS yet, but its a start, and its something no respectable Time Lord should be without.

We ended up hitting the slopes again, one last time before the season ended, and this time we brought your Mom with us. It was a lot of fun for both of you to be learning together, and we ended up with perfect weather for the day. It was pretty fun watching you take the tow lift on your own all the way up to the top, but this time, we skipped the more challenging runs.

And what would return of the warmer weather be without bubbles?

I love you so much Trin.

Daddy

letter to trinity: 68 months

2011-03-07T20:42:00.003-05:00

Dear Trinity,

Every time I write one of these letters, I marvel at how fast time flies between them. I comment on it sometimes, but I think about it all the time. I mentioned to someone just today that you were going to be six, and when I heard the words coming out of my mouth, it was like I was hearing them come from someone else's mouth. How could my daughter be six already? She was just learning to ~~walk~~, ~~talk~~, ~~run~~, ~~draw~~, read and write a moment ago it seems.

But now we're into another March and through the worst of another Northern Ontario winter. We actually didn't have to deal with too much snow or cold, or so it seemed anyways. I shouldn't get too far ahead of myself, because it isn't over just yet, but it will be soon enough.

We managed to do a lot of outdoor activities this year, and I've told you about those in earlier letters. I would like to try to get out skiing with you again at least once, so we might do that on the weekend coming up. We'll see. We took a family hike in behind our house a few weekends ago, and that was a lot of fun. We have nothing but acres and acres of bush behind our place, and we ended up hiking back to a beautiful frozen lake that's not far from our house, but not visible from any road. We just pulled you around on your sled, and you seemed to really enjoy yourself.

We took a trip to Ottawa a few weeks back, to visit your Grandpa and to take in Winterlude. It ended up being quite the trip, as the only highway to get there from our place was closed due to a major accident. But rather than turn around and go home, we decided to take a much longer route and double a 5 hour trip. It was an experience, but we got to go through Algonquin Park and I took you and your Mom to a little lodge in the middle of nowhere that I knew of for a nice dinner. And we wouldn't have otherwise ever gone to the place, so that was kind of neat serendipity.

The irony about making the long trip was that Winterlude was cancelled on the Saturday after we got there, due to mild weather making the Canal unsafe. So without a clear idea of what to do with you otherwise, we tried out a few other things, one of them a huge hit and one that I am sure will stick with you for awhile I think.

We went to the Museum of Civilization in Quebec, and the win was a visit to the Children's Museum, a very interactive museum designed just for kids to play, learn, experiment. It was cool and we probably spent at least 3 hours in there, with you moving from station to station, trying out each thing until you were tired of it, while your Grandpa and I tried to get all the stamps for the little passport you were handed as you walked in. I don't even know what happened to that passport, now that I think about it.

So, the bad one. In looking for something to do, we came across a presentation of a Hans Christian Anderson story called The Snow Queen, that I took to be a play, and it also happened to be at the Museum of Civilization. I thought again of serendipity, and figured we couldn't miss. It was marketed at 5 year olds and I figured it would be great. It turned out to be a very dark folk tale, presented in the form of a storyteller backed by a string quartet. Not a play, and absolutely not for 5 year olds. If you end up reading this years from now, wondering where exactly we went wrong with you, maybe this is the moment you want to dig into a little bit, because it was so bad that I wanted to leave myself. You toughed it out though, and I guess I am glad that you did. The ending was kind of a happy one, but the story was just horrible, and I was pretty upset with myself for making such a poor choice. Alas, it probably won't be the last I'll make.

But things turned out ok after all. On Sunday, Winterlude reopened, and we took you for a skate on the canal and the traditional Beaver Tail (not what you might think - its a yummy pastry).

There are a few other items of interest I wanted to point out.

You have your very first loose tooth right now. It showed up sometime last week. I went out and bought you "'Andrew's Loose Tooth", a book that you'd asked for awhile back, but that seemed completely appropriate now. The tooth is only a little looser now than it was, but I expect to have a picture of your gap-toothed smile next month.

One final thing I wanted to mention is how great your reading and writing has gotten lately. You are able to write notes and cards to people, and hardly have to ask about any of the letters and spelling. And you have taken to reading to us at night now, which is a switch. We still both read you a story each every night as part of your bedtime routine, but you have taken to reading short books that you bring home from school to us at the same time. I am so proud of you and love the look on your face when you hear our praise and warm to it, wanting to try that much harder the next time.

I love you too, Trin.

Daddy

letter to trinity: 67 months

2011-02-07T14:18:00.004-05:00

Dear Trinity,

We're well into another cold, dark Northern Ontario winter, and I think we've weathered it pretty well so far. We keep on doing some fun winter activities, going ice fishing, ice skating, lots of winter park play. Your skating has really improved, and I can't believe where you are at in such a short time. We haven't had the chance to go skiing again yet, but I would like to do that again before the season is over. Maybe this month.

Among the things that a father looks forward to are the proud moments, the achievements that he can take joy in seeing his little girl accomplish. Things like watching her graduate, walking her down the aisle, hearing her ask for her very first Doctor Who action figure. Be awhile before those first two happen, but I've already got that last one to keep me going.

You asked me just this past weekend if I could look for a Doctor Who doll for you, specifically a Doctor Who Barbie, but barring that, an action figure would do, or maybe even a toy TARDIS. Chokes me up just thinking about it.

We've had a bit of football fever around here lately. I have been a Green Bay fan for many years, and so it was awesome to see them first make it into the playoffs, then make it to and finally win the Superbowl. I was able to inspire you somewhat, and I think my enthusiasm rubbed off on you. You ended up getting into the thing with me, and you were the life of my Superbowl party.

One other thing that I have been wanting to tell you about is how much you have been enjoying waking me up on the weekends. Some weekends I will crash on the couch, or sleep in late in your Mom and I's bed, and you have this thing where you want to wake me up nicely now. As opposed to what you used to do, which amounted to jumping on me from as high up as you could get yourself first. So now you crawl in and snuggle with me until I am awake, and then we lay under the covers and plan our days. I have told you this before, but that really is some of my most treasured time ever. Just talking and hanging out with my favourite person.

Anyway, I don't have a ton of things to talk about, but I do have lots of pics. I love you Trin. See you next month.

Daddy

letter to trinity: 66 months

2011-01-02T22:04:00.006-05:00

Dear Trinity,

There went another Xmas, and with it another year. I had a great holiday with you, and we got to have plenty of fun together. You were off from school for 2 weeks and I was off almost the whole time with you, one of the benefits of being a civil servant with plenty of unused vacation days.

We had Xmas completely at home this year, so we hosted dinner Xmas night with your Mom's family, all of mine living very far away from here. But your Grandpa (my Dad) and his wife came to stay with us Boxing Day, so you got to do the whole thing all over again in spite of distance, but this time without a turkey, a roast and way too much of everything else. And as we had kind of anticipated, it did end up being a bit overwhelming for you, but not so much that you couldn't cope. Your Mom and I went overboard a bit with the presents (also as expected), and your Grandparents and Aunts and Uncles did their parts as well. But the bottom line is that you are such a well behaved, well rounded kid, that in spite of a haul that would have spoiled most kids for good, you just kept right on being the grounded kid I know and love.

Over the holiday break, we managed to do a few fun things other than opening presents. We took you tobogganing to a big hill in a nearby city, one that I used to go to with my own parents when I was your age. Which was a very long time ago, when you get down to it, it being over 25 years since I'd set foot on that hill. But the hill was still there, and still as much fun as I remembered it. And I was pretty impressed with how brave you were to be honest. Your Mom wanted you to go down the part with the gentlest slope, and was milling about radiating low level anxiety the whole time, but you weren't having any of that. I had to talk you out of going down the steepest part solo, and after only one trip down with the two of us, you were ready to try it on your own.

We also tried our hands (or feet, as it were) at skating again. And the pair we got you last year during your rookie season have gotten a bit too snug, so we'll have to fix that. But you are more confident than ever with that particular activity, and I expect that you've picked up an interest that will last you a long time. We actually did this a few times, first at our local outdoor rink, and then at a New Year's Eve thing put on in town, at an indoor arena. You were on the ice with hundreds of other people, and you didn't even blink. The only interesting thing that did concern you was stepping on the 'writing' embedded in the ice. Whenever we came up to any of the advertising layered into the ice surface, you tried to steer away from it, causing us and a few hapless people behind us to have minor accidents. But it was all in good fun, and no one got hurt.

And since we seem to be on a bit of a run with the winter outdoor activities, I had the pleasure of taking you downhill skiing for the first time. I have been waiting for years to be able to do this with you, and I owned this one as something that I should do you with you as a Daddy-Daughter thing, what with it being an old hobby of mine. We spent an afternoon at the local ski hill, most of it on the beginner's run, but one noteworthy trip down a much bigger run. I don't know that I am the world's greatest teacher, but you made it easy on me by listening and trying your best. You were snow-plowing with the best of them, and even though you were tired out by the end of the afternoon, you were a great sport about it.

As far as indoor activities went over the holiday break, you did a lot of two things: colouring, and playing with your new PS3 game, Start the Party. You can seriously spend hours just concentrating on colouring with your markers and crayons in colouring books. Maybe there's an artist in you waiting to show herself. The video game is fun, as we got you the full version of a demo that we've had and been playing for months. So you and I have been battling it out, and I love seeing you interact with something that you can just pick up and do, without worrying about how a controller works. Occasionally your Mom joins us, though video games are certainly not something she would otherwise choose to devote her time to if not for you asking.

What else? Well, you did end up singing at the school pageant. Not only did you sing, but you grabbed the mic and sang with authority. It was really something to behold. You were bold, and loud, and completely unfazed by the few hundred parents and others watching. We might have seen the beginnings of an interest in the dramatic arts there as well.

I also wanted to keep track of a few particularly interesting questions you threw at me this past month. On one occasion, you asked me 'Do girls go to college?', to which you refused to believe me when I told you they did. I think some part of me working and your Mom staying home all of your life so far might be giving you a bit of a skewed slant on the world. That slant might have a bit of a 19th century vibe to it if the college question is any example. But that will go away once you really understand that not only can girls do anything boys can do (I need to get you that on a t shirt), but they can kick most boy's butts at most of those things. I am not so loyal to my gender that I won't admit to that sort of thing.

Another good one was 'Can you and I go to see a real Green Bay game together?', which I loved you asking. You have been taking to sitting in on football games with me, and you've heard me talking about going to a Green Bay game this fall, and I was very excited to hear that you were interested in going to one with me. I think we can make that one happen.

Looking forward to doing some of the fun winter activities that I've mentioned with you again soon. Hopefully it keeps us from getting bored during the winter deep freeze. But with you, one thing I never am, is bored.

Its a New Year, and I always get a bit contemplative and sentimental when the calendar rolls over. I don't know what we have in store for us in 2011, but whatever happens, just know (retroactively, I suppose) that I will always be your Daddy, and whatever challenges are ahead of us, we will tackle them together.

Love Daddy

letter to trinity: 65 months

2010-12-07T21:15:00.006-05:00

Dear Trinity,

What was I just saying about wishing for an early winter? Did I seriously say that? Let me check that last letter again. Yes, I did in fact ask for an early winter, including snow. Wish granted, as it turns out. We did get an early winter this year, along with lots of early deep cold and a large amount of snow. I could have done with the latter and not the former, and to be honest, not that much of the latter. Enough to make a few snowballs would have satisfied me.

That said though, one of us was quite happy with the snow: you. The minute there was enough snow on the ground to make snowmen, we were all laying out in the front yard, making a snow family, complete with your Mom, you and I, and your cat and dog. Turns out you are both quite the creative genius and a director, being equally able to come up with the ideas and delegate the work accordingly.

And you are only too happy to be pulled behind the sled in said snow, regardless of whether we have our husky harnessed to it (which we do, and she loves) or me (which can be seen here):

Personally, I am thinking that its only the 7th of December and I am already tired of the winter weather. I have been driving back and forth from home to Southern Ontario for work a few times already, and I am 4 for 4 for driving through snowstorms. But I digress, I suppose. It can't be a bad thing that you are wanting to play outside, cold or no. And we have talked about me teaching you downhill skiing, something that I have long looked forward to. I used to ski all the time when I was younger, even racing a bit in high school. I wasn't all that good, but I have done a lot of skiing at a lot of hills all over the place, so I should be able to teach you a few things at least. We'll see how that goes.

So other than snow and cold, and my strong feelings about both, what else is going on? Your mother has decided to start christmas decorating ridiculously early this year. The xmas decorations went up this past weekend, marking the earliest point in any year I've lived with her that the inside and outside of my home has looked like Santa's workshop. But it made you happy to help participate (again, plenty of delegating here), and your happiness is the only thing that's on my mind these days.

One of the things that I kind of hope you don't get are too many more Barbies. Seriously, you have so many of these dolls that its looking a bit like we're infested with them. Your Mom and I do intend to get you more for xmas than might be reasonable, but you're are only precious child, and if we can make you happy on xmas without influencing you in a negative way, I'm all for it. Just no more Barbies.

And along the lines of xmas and how much you like it, we have some fun stuff ahead shortly. You and I have yet to do our xmas shopping for your Mom, and we have a party coming up soon at the local community centre. You are also going to be taking part in your school's christmas pageant, all of which should be a lot of fun. You have been practicing your lines in the song you will be singing and I can't wait to attend the event and see how you do in front of an audience. I am amazed at how far you've come already, considering how unhappy you were with just being at school only last year.

Until next month, I love you.

Daddy

letter to trinity: 64 months

2010-11-13T22:47:00.003-05:00

Dear Trinity,

So Halloween is over and with it goes another October, and time for another one of our little one way chats.

I wonder how old you'll be when you either discover on your own that I am writing these letters to you, or I tell you about them. I guess I have been thinking about how far along in your life I will be lately, and its occurred that you might be reading these posthumously. Not to be morbid or anything, but I hope you get something out of the fact that I want you to know later on what I thought about the time I had with you, regardless of how long it lasted.

On the other hand, maybe you'll be reading these with me around and able to stick my nose into your life at any time and provide my own brand of fatherly advice, such as it is. These notes will be less of a comfort and more of a confirmation that I have always been the same guy in that case. But validation can be a kind of comfort.

This last month has been fun. You've spent the last few weeks working your way through a couple of different flu bugs so your Mom had you in for a few trips into the clinic and the doctor's a few times. But you're through it now, no more constant sneezing, coughing and these keeping you up at night, so that's good.

And you had a fun Halloween, I think. We made our annual trip out to the local pumpkin patch, and we ended up going on the worst day weather-wise that we had all month. It was cold, raining and there were only a handful of other people around. The good thing was that with so few people there, we had the place to ourselves. You wore a costume we had kept from a few years ago, and where it once covered your entire body, its now become a sweater. But you still looked cute in it. And you got the opportunity to wear more than a few costumes this year. You had a few themed parties, a day at school, our pumpkin trip, and our drive around Halloween night to wear some of your outfits. I suppose it should come as no surprise to me if you turn out to be a cosplayer when you're older.

Things are finally turning around with your cat. We had the little monster fixed and declawed; yes, I know that there is a school of thought that says not to do that to cats. What I will say by way of response here is that it was the difference between getting rid of a cat that was constantly scratching my five year old daughter, or keeping her favourite pet. But the good news is that he is now overnight a more agreeable animal. He hasn't lost any of his spunk, so he's still a bit of a pest, but you now get to interact with him all the time without fear of him doing permanent damage.

One more thing. This past month I went over to Wisconsin, and attended a Green Bay Packers NFL game. I couldn't help myself with some shopping at the Pro Shop, so I ended up bringing home a large amount of stuff that I wasn't expecting to. So you now have some attire that you otherwise wouldn't have. You're a lot happier about it then the picture below would suggest.

I am looking forward to getting ready for xmas with you this month, and to some fun in the snow. I am certain to regret saying this later, but maybe we'll get lucky and get an early winter, so we can go play in the white stuff.

I love you,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 63 months

2010-10-05T23:34:00.001-04:00

Dear Trin,

The month of September has come and gone, and with it your first full month of school. What a difference a month makes.

Between yourself, your Mom and I, there was more than enough tension as you were gearing up to be going to school (see any previous letter over the last few months to know its been on my mind). But as it turns out, we were worried unnecessarily, all of us. You love school. You love taking the bus. You love your teacher, your friends. Its fantastic from our point of view, because we were so wrapped up in what happened last fall, where we really think we sent you too soon given that you had previously spent 99% of your time with your Mom, that we missed thinking how much you would take to it.

Now when I come home and you tell me about your day, I actually do get to hear about you learning new things, what you talked about with your friends, something that might have happened on the bus. And don't get me wrong; its not all great. You have days when you don't want to go, or when you beg your Mom to drive you to school so you don't have to go on the bus. But as the weeks go by, there seems to be less and less of that. I am really happy that you are doing so much better than ok.

We went to your school early last month in fact. They held an open house, and you dragged me around the school showing me everything on the way like a tour guide, while your Mom, who has been there lots with you, just watched, smiling with pride. You took us into your classroom, and walked us through how you spend your days, the different activities you do. I got to see a painting you did on the classroom easel, and I just loved it. You have such a creative mind. I hope that I don't do anything but stimulate and encourage that as the years go by.

One thing I did get you into this month past was videogames. I bought what I am sure you will laughably someday look back on as antiquated, a camera/motion control based system that uses a wand style controller that you use to interact with. You love it, and currently your favourite game to play is a virtual fly swatter game. I love that when you interact with any kind of technology, you don't even think about what's behind it, or wonder how to interface with it. You just pick it up and do it. Very cool.

We tried out a Daddy-daughter date night again this month, and while it seemed to go well at the time, you got very upset once we got home, realizing how long you'd been away from your Mom. So we're going to skip it until yoga class starts again next month, and we'll see what happens.

I am sure there's plenty of other things I could be talking about to you, but school was the big thing for a long time around here, and its been so nice to find that the shadow it was casting over us turned out to be little more than a rain cloud that the sun has definitely come out from behind.

I love you so much,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 62 months

2010-09-09T15:36:00.000-04:00

Dear Trinity,

I am writing this one a little late again. I let the monthly anniversary go by without taking notes because we were all focused on a larger concern at the time: you going to school.

This is a pretty big thing for any family to go through, and there were a few reasons why it was maybe a little bit worse for us.

We're not the most trusting of parents and have had a lot of anxiety and discussion about you going to school vs home schooling.
You tried junior kindergarten last year for a few months, hated it, and didn't go back.
You have otherwise spent almost every single waking moment with your mother (and occasionally me) since birth.
You have been telling us constantly that you don't want to go to school.

So we had some trepidation around this whole thing and its overshadowed a lot of the last couple of weeks. But the big day came, and we woke you up as planned, about 45 minutes before your bus was coming by. We had laid out your clothes the night prior and we got a decent breakfast in you before going out wait for the bus. You were obviously nervous, but when the bus did show up, you squared your shoulders, got on, never saying a last goodbye or looking back. I was so proud and so anxious for you at the same time. You don't like to show weakness to anyone, especially your Mom and I.

There were a few tears, but all in all I am so happy for you. I love that you are going regularly to school now. You will get to experience so much, learn from different people, get some of the routine and socialization that in spite of your Mom's constant efforts to have you in dance, gymnastics, play dates, etc, you just can't get otherwise.

But its not all about school. I also have a few experiences related to me from your Mom that I think need to be shared:

A few weeks ago, your Mom and you had been doing some shopping and were on your last stop, ready to call it a day and come home. You decided you wanted something (a jump rope I think) and when you were informed that you couldn't have it, you had a bit of a meltdown. Not that unusual for you, or most other 5 year olds. However, when you got back to the car, you said the following to your Mom 'Oh, by the way, I forgot to tell you: You are the worst Mom ever!'. I tried not to laugh when your Mom told me this story, because it was hurtful thing to say, but it was kind of funny hearing you go to that level of extreme to indicate your annoyance. And it is funny, because your Mom couldn't be any better of a Mom, so saying something so ridiculous is kind of funny.

Another experience related to me by your Mom worth sharing was a conversation you had with her about your Uncle Dave and his girlfriend. A little context: Last winter their house burned down after Morgan had left something cooking in grease on the stove. I'm not sure what drove you to say this, but you told your Mom that 'Next time I am going to ask Uncle Dave to cook. Morgan's not a very good cooker.' Priceless.

Something else we did this month was to rent a boat and try cruising the lake and fishing a bit. We've been on the lake dozens of times, and me a lot more than that. But we had done some talking about getting something small and thought we'd rent one first and see what everyone really thought about it. You loved it, and the fact that you had me stop after only a quarter mile or so, so you could jump overboard for a swim. And between all the swim stops and fishing we got in in one afternoon trip, I think we are a go for boat.

And here's one last thing: This month, you got your ears pierced. You asked for your ears to be pierced awhile back, maybe as much as a year back, but you said you weren't ready. So we just told you to let us know when you thought you'd be ready and we'd go get it done. So after spending the night with your Grandma, you came home and asked to get your ears pierced. I think your Grandma would love to take credit for the idea, but your Mom and I know better. You have always, and continue to make up your own mind about things. So we took you in to look into it, and you didn't back down, blink or even manifest any anxiety, not even after the whole thing was over. I was astonished that you didn't get worried about it a single bit. While my stomach was in knots worried about the pain you were going to experience, you just clutched your bear, blew off your Mom and my concerns, and just got it done. You really are a trooper.

Let me just say one more time how excited I am for you that you are in school. You're going to start learning new things all the time, and I can't wait to hear about your thoughts as you start putting all these new concepts into your existing world view. I only hope I am up to the challenge when you ask me for my input on any of it.

I love you so much,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 61 months

2010-08-03T00:22:00.011-04:00

Dear Trinity,

I am currently in the middle of my summer vacation with you and your Mom, and I just wanted to tell you how much fun I am having, and what a great break it is from my regular work-week life. I get up at 6, leave just after 7, get home at 5:30 or so, eat, play with you for a few minutes, read you a story, go to bed, and start over. And even though I am off on the weekends, it doesn't seem like I get to spend near enough time with you these days. Next month you'll be in school full time, and you'll be gone most of the same time that I am so I likely to see my time with you shrink even further now that your Mom and I will be competing for your attention when you're not in school. Yes, we can spend time as a family, but it is nice to get 1 on 1 time with you. One nice thing for you and I is that your Mom has taken to working on Saturday mornings, so we get some additional Daddy-Daughter time. Last week we went mini-putting and went out for lunch. It was fun.

Its going to be a big adjustment once you go to school, mostly for you of course. But the impact on your Mom isn't going to be a small one either. She's spent almost every day of your life with you so far, and she's going to have some adjusting to do just as you will. So go easy on her, and everything should work out fine.

The word I would use to describe you lately that is the best fit is probably 'cheeky'. You are getting just a little bit spoiled being the only child, and we cave in to you probably more than we should. Because of this, you tend to be more demanding lately than we would like, and when we do say no to you, there's more and more often some push back from you that I could do without. Most of the time you are a perfect model of a child, attentive, curious and well behaved. But sometimes, when you don't get your way, you become a bit of a terror, and I have a hard time figuring out how to get the other kid you just were back. But its rare, and not so big a deal that its causing any real problems. But I thought it was worth mentioning that you are exerting your strong personality in different ways lately.

As far as that vacation I mentioned goes, we're having a great time together. We went down to Niagara Falls for a proper vacation, and it was great. We stayed in a hotel near the Falls and did all the touristy things we could think of. We went to Marineland where you got to touch and feed a beluga whale, took a ride on the Maid of the Mist right under the falls, and your Mom took you up the Skylon Tower to see the view from 500 feet above the city. I didn't do the last one because I have a fear of heights, and while I could have sucked it up for you and gone along, I didn't want to spoil your memory of the event by remembering me cowering at the back of the elevator. Sometimes the best example is the one you don't set.

We walked by a park late on night where they were putting on a free concert and you surprised us by asking if we could go. We then spent the next few hours watching you dance and thrill to a few different performances that included hip hop, country and some stand-up comedy. You repeated some of the jokes for the next few days, and as always it amused everybody to hear the things you find funny. You're big on toilet humour, which I suppose is normal for a kid your age. Personally I still think its funny, and I probably should have grown out of it awhile back.

I don't know what else we have going on this summer. We are going to have my Dad and Mom come visit (separately, seeing as their marriage to each other ended when I was your age, close to 30 years ago). But you love your Grandpa and he loves to play with you, so that should be fun. Your Grandma (she has asked that you call her Nana, which I hate) is a bit of a different grandparent. I think she forgot how to play a long time ago, but she loves you in her own way. We might take you to Santa's Village in the next week, while I am still off. We last took you there 2 years ago, something I had to check by looking at the date stamps on the pictures I took that trip. I was convinced that it was only last summer, and looking at how you were only two years ago, and coupled with the fact that I remember my experiences with you so vividly made me choke up a little.

I could not have imagined feeling the way that I do about a child before having you, and now having you in my life, I can't imagine what my life was like before you were in it. I feel sorry for people who decide not to have children and think their lives full. Having you was the single greatest decision I've ever been involved in, and it bothers me not a bit that my biggest achievement to the world is behind me, because I get to spend the rest of my life enjoying that decision.

Even if you are cheeky.

I love you,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 5 years

2010-07-04T21:51:00.002-04:00

Dear Trinity,

5 years. When did that happen exactly? I look back on the last five years with you, and I can't believe how things can change so much, so fast. It feels like just a few minutes ago I was holding my new baby girl in my arms moments after her birth, watching her roll over for the first time, hearing her say Daddy for the first time. And yesterday, I got to watch my little girl laughing, playing, swimming with her friends at her fifth birthday party.

You opted for a superhero cake this year over last year's princess theme, and your cake turned out very well.

The party we had for you yesterday wasn't on your actual birthday, but we opted to do a few parties this year. We had the kids party yesterday and today had a little get together with your Mom's family (your Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt and Uncle). It was fun. You are a big breakfast fan lately, no matter which mealtime it is, so we had a brunch for you, much to your enjoyment.

Afterwards, we gave you your small presents, and then we told you we were going to drive out to get your 'big' present. We didn't want to build it up too much, but we had planned to pick up a kitten for you from a local person who takes in pregnant cats and finds good homes for the kittens. We drove you up to the place and told you only that you had a surprise present waiting for you. The look on your face when you opened the door to see that it was a kitten was worth all the time we talked about it and worried over whether getting you one was the right thing to do. You've had it for hours only and you're already madly in love with it. You've named him Tyson, in honour of your grandparents old cat.

This shouldn't all be about your birthday I guess; this month has been another fun one. You and I started going to our yoga class together again, and continue to do our Wednesday nights together, usually ending with us going out for dinner at our favourite diner.

You have been spending lots of fun time outdoors lately. You have been playing a lot of soccer with me, and you're actually getting really good. You've got a strong kick and a great sense of timing to stop the ball from getting past you. I'll think you'll make a great goalie.

You've taken to eating a lot of freezies lately, although you've decided that they're too cold on the hands to hold. Hence, freezie gloves. So cute.

I have been on a Doctor Who kick this month, catching up with the latest season of the new series, and also watching some classic episodes from the Tom Baker era (a quick search will tell you what I'm talking about). And here's a little thing: Your Mom absolutely hates Doctor Who. I am not sure if its the cheap sets, the bad acting, the terribly fake monsters, but she just does not get my love for this classic series. I do know for sure that the theme music epitomizes her dislike for the show, so if she hears it, she goes nuts. Knowing this, and being who I am, I tend to hum the theme music occasionally, because I think its funny. You've been going to your Mom's rescue though, and whenever you hear me start up, you cover her ears. Its pretty funny.

I love you so much Trin and I can't wait to celebrate the next five years with you.

Love Daddy

letter to trinity: 59 months

2010-06-06T00:47:00.007-04:00

Dear Trinity,

Its funny how time gets away from us. How when we're in the moment, things can seem so monumental, and you can feel so certain that the details of any experiences will stay with you for all time. And then when the time comes to reflect on past moments, you can feel the emotional weight of certain moments but draw a complete blank on the details you were certain that you would hold onto forever.

That's my long-winded way of saying I can't currently remember one thing I wanted to write about this month. I spend nowhere near the time with you that your Mom does, but I always want to think that everything that you say or do that impresses, offends, or otherwise engages me must be so much more meaningful for the fact that I don't get those moments as often. But all this really does is show that I should keep a journal or something to keep those moments handy.

What's new this month? Well, the nice weather showed up, and we've been trying to enjoy it for as long as it lasts. You've been spending plenty of time playing at the lake, and we've made a few family forays to the public beach now that we don't have to get out fill at the local pool.

You seem to have more than your usual share of bruises and bumps lately, primarily on your shins, and we think you're heading into a growth spurt, with all the normal balance issues that come into play as your body catches up with the height and limb length changes.

You and I have been practicing soccer a lot in the yard, something that you've just sort of decided you are really into. We tried to get you signed up for the soccer season here, but it turns out there are a lot more interested kids than spaces, so we missed out there. We'll try again next year. For me, playing one on one with you in the yard is way more fun anyways.

You continue to amaze me with your development. Your empathy is on my mind tonight, because of something that happened earlier. Your Grandma fell and broke her arm, rather badly today, and you haven't yet had the chance to see her to talk to her about it. We danced around it a bit when telling you about it, but your need to understand exactly what we were talking about convinced us to just give it to you straight. You weren't upset for her, but you immediately responded by wanting to see her and see if she was ok. And when we convinced you that wasn't a good idea, you came up with the idea of bringing her ice cream 'because that always makes me feel better!' and to make her a feel better card. You're just awesome that way.

This is the last month I will right a letter to a four year old, and this year feels like it is made of more milestone than the last few previous have. I will have a 5 year old daughter in a few weeks, and that just feels hard to get ahold of. The last five years have gone by so quickly, but have been so fulfilling, and so much more enriched by having you in my life. I hope that someday you can look back at your early life and feel similarly, but you might have to wait for the old cliche of having your own kids before that has the same emotional context that I have. I do find myself thinking of my own childhood more lately, now that I can see your childhood reflected back at me from your eyes. And every time I hear you lament that you wish you a grown up, I tell you that I would be happy to switch places with you. And that's not parental doublespeak: I mean it.

I can't wait to celebrate your birthday with you soon sweetheart, and I hope that we get to make the most of having lots of time together this summer, your last before you really do have to start school.

I love you,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 58 months

2010-05-05T23:38:00.006-04:00

Dear Trinity,

The first thing I want to bring up is how much fun I have with you lately. Right out of the gate, I am having a lot fun with you when we hang out. We have been keeping up our Wednesday nights out (you call them Daddy Daughter Date Nights, which I love). We usually go to the local pool and go out to a greasy spoon for breakfast for dinner. We talk and get to spend time just the two of us. I get to see for myself, and not from your Mom, or when other people are around to influence things exactly what an intelligent, inquisitive, funny kid you are. I can't believe how cool you are for a four year old sometimes.

Our yoga class is starting up again, something that both of us are looking forward to. And once the summer kicks in to gear, I think we might go swimming at the lake on our nights out, maybe go on the carousel (which I hate) until one of us throws up (which will be me).

You are getting taller lately. You're weight is still hovering just shy of 40 pounds, but it seems like everything that was tight on you is baggy again, though most of it doesn't fit you because you're getting so tall. I am seriously in so much trouble for later in life. You are growing up to be so smart and curious and thoughtful. And you're probably going to be 6' tall and drop dead gorgeous if you keep your Mom's looks. So much to look forward to, what with the all the scaring away of potential suitors I am going to have to do.

And speaking of hitting that 40 pound mark, we have graduated you to booster seats in our vehicles in honour of that goal, and you have gotten to say goodbye to the toddlerish car seats you had and have moved into boosters without a look back. You are extremely proud of yourself for being big enough to be in one, and look disdainfully at 'little baby' car seats whenever they come into view. Too funny.

I don't have a lot else to say tonight. As usual, I write this late at night, after first you, then your Mom have gone to bed. I will say that I booked my vacation for the summer today. Knowing that you are going to go to school in the fall I took more time off than I might have otherwise, because it feels like an ending, and I want to squeeze in as much time with you as I can get. So look out for roller coasters, zoos, and lots more daddy daughter time!

I love you so much,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 57 months

2010-04-05T22:58:00.001-04:00

Dear Trinity,

Well there goes another March, and with it most of our snow and cold. Fortunately it felt to me like we had little of either, but maybe that's because winter seemed to go by so fast, or because I wasn't really paying attention. Maybe both.

You have been busy this month. You continue to have your weekday activities with your Mom, and I am amazed how much you guys are doing. I almost think you'd be better off at home with your Mom than going into Kindergarten next year. Almost, except for the formal structure school affords. And the learning. There's that too. Your Mom and I decided we were against home schooling, so even though you are getting to experience a lot of things with her, and with me when I'm available, you aren't getting the formal building-block type education that will help build a foundation on which you will learn later from. That's a bit of overstatement probably. There's only so much to learn from finger painting and playdoh with other kids. But I am looking forward to you going to school, if for nothing else than to start supplementing your learning myself, by trying to get into the things you are learning about. I'm excited.

We have so far tried to feed your interests as well as we can. We have taken you to see dinosaur exhibits before, and this month we took you up to Science North to see the realistic animatronic dinosaurs they have there. Turns out they were a little too realistic, because they scared the crap out of you, and you wanted nothing else but to get away from that exhibit. It wasn't a total wash though: The second reason to go was to show you the planetarium, and to try to kindle an interest in space. That was a fun experience, and you asked a lot of cool questions. The show we saw focused on the perspective afforded when you view our tiny solar system within the context of a family of billions of galaxies. I don't know that you got it (I don't know sometimes that I have it completely) but you were fascinated. And that was enough.

We also took you to go see a Disney on Ice show, and as I had predicted, you wouldn't stand for any of the Beauty and the Beast stuff. I still maintain that its the Beast that you dislike, but as soon as you saw Belle, you went nuts and I had to take you almost out of the building to calm you down. The rest of it you thoroughly enjoyed though, and that was fun to see. We had great seats, and I remarked to your Mother that I am probably cultivating a sense of entitlement similar to the one she walks around with so when you're older, if you ever get anything other than the 1st or 2nd row at a show you'll feel dissatisfied. I want you to have great things in life, but not to always expect them. We'll see who you take after more as time goes on, I suppose.

One further thing that we did with you this past weekend was to take you to your first 3D movie. We went to see 'How to Train Your Dragon' and it was an awesome experience for everyone involved. You weren't sure about the glasses at first, but you got used to them in no time. And at one point in the movie, you took them off, glanced around and told me how much better the movie was with them on.

We have been continuing to go out once a week, just the two of us. In spite of our yoga class being on hiatus for a month or so, we've been trying to do something anyways. We went swimming at the YMCA last week, and we always go out for dinner. This coming week, we are going to try something different. Your Mom is going out to some girl party, and we're going to have a pizza and movie night at home. It should be fun. I'll let you know how it goes.

I love you,

Dad

letter to trinity: 56 months

2010-03-04T21:37:00.009-05:00

Dear Trinity,

I was talking to someone the other day at work whose wife had just had a baby, and found myself saying to him that I had a little girl at home who was almost 5. 5! After saying it out loud, I caught myself wondering how exactly that happened. I feel like I was helping your Mom bathe you in the sink at our old place about 20 minutes ago. Time is very weird sometimes.

So what's new this month? We decided to put you to work, figured you should start doing some chores around the house to earn your keep. Just kidding about that part. But you asked if you could wash the dishes one night, so we let you. You loved it, and wouldn't let us do anything other than turn on the water for you. You were extremely proud of yourself, and I just found it funny that the novelty for this particular thing will have worn off long before we actually ever do ask you to do the dishes.

You and I have started going to a yoga class together this month. Its something we've done at home many times, but going to a class is a different story. Seeing you doing all these challenging poses and showing up every other kid in the place is a lot of fun. You have since been showing everyone in the family all your favourite poses and impressing everybody with your skills.

After our yoga classes we've been going out for supper, and we have even settled on a regular spot. Its called Burger World, and in spite of its name, its a staple in the community we're from. My attempt was to divert the one time you and I have a meal exclusively together away from something like McDonald's. I am going to go ahead and call this one a success anyways.

Otherwise, this past February has been pretty quiet. We are going to try to take you on a few more excursions next month. We've got a trip to see Disney on Ice planned, and your dislike for Belle from Beauty and the Beast notwithstanding, you are excited to see it. I should note here that while you claim that its Belle you don't like, clearly I think the issue is around her terrifying paramour, the aforementioned Beast. Either that, or pretty french girls in gowns are more fear inducing than I would have otherwise thought. We'll see how that goes.

Your Mom has had you more than normally occupied while I have been at work. Between play dates with other home/non-schooled kids your age, drop in center visits, library class, dance class, swimming at the local pool, you two tend to get around. I don't think you get a lot of time to just hang out at home and not do much of anything, but I think that is the point. And its nice that you're getting to interact with other kids so often. Sort of makes up for us not having another kid solely to keep you company.

We also plan to take you to Science North sometime soon. Its hard enough to get you outside without a good excuse, but because we aren't rabid winter outdoor activity people, its challenging to find things to keep you stimulated this time of year. Once the snow is melted and the ground is relatively dry, you can be occupied playing outside until the ground freezes again, but for now we do our best to keep you busy.

I love you,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 55 months

2010-02-06T22:31:00.001-05:00

Dear Trinity,

Another month gone by and me hardly noticing its passage. Things have been crazy for me lately. I started a temporary new job, and I've been a busy guy because of it.

Your Mom and I have taken you skating a few times this month, and you've really taken to it. There's been talk of looking into figure skating for you. I don't know if you're that into it yet, but you might someday be. Only time will tell, but for now, you do like to hold our hands and work your way from one end of the rink to the other.

You have been enjoying a lot of time with your Mom's family lately. You had a 3 day in a row sleepover at your Grandma and Grandpa's place recently. You started with staying over one night and kept deciding that you didn't want t come home just yet. We missed you a lot, (especially your Mom) but since we are hoping to go on a trip soon enough anyways, we thought it might be a good exercise. Whilst hanging out with your grandparents, you spent a great deal of time learning about how many different clothes your Aunt Becky has to wear, and that she's more than happy to let you try everything on.

You also learned that she will let you wear her makeup if you ask really nicely. I am less of a fan of that part, but you do look pretty cute.

Other things we've done this month include a trip to Toronto for some family time. We spent the night at a hotel downtown, and took you to a Disney kids performance. That was a crazy day. You fell off a bed a few hours before we were scheduled to go, and because you were acting a little strange, we took you to the emergency room to make sure you were okay before we took you anywhere. You were really good at the hospital, and we got the all clear to take you home. We figured that we didn't want to have built up taking you away and that not do it just because you hurt yourself, so we ended up going anyways.

We had a great time at the show, and because we felt guilty even though it was a total accident, we bought you all the toys you wanted from the show. We spent the night at a hotel we love, spent Saturday swimming in the pool, and later walking through the Royal Ontario Museum. You had been there with your Mom last year, and it was great to see it through your eyes myself.

We're going to plan another trip like that soon, not sure where but its nice to get away as a family. I'll let you know how the next one goes.

Love you,

daddy

letter to trinity: 54 months

2010-01-03T22:16:00.001-05:00

Dear Trinity,

Do you know where the month of November went exactly? I seem to have misplaced it. I just sat down to begin this letter and realized that I missed writing one on or about the 4th of December. Sorry about that. I suppose we got busy.

I guess I have had a lot going on, but that's not much of an excuse. I'll make up for it with plenty of xmas pics and stories. But before I get to that:

"I wish I didn't have a family. I wish it was just me and Maya." You said those words the week before christmas, in response to having to go to sleep while we were staying up. We weren't really sure how to take this; certainly we realized that it was a knee-jerk response when you didn't get your way about staying up even later than you already had. But it was a bit of a watershed moment for us, as it was as yet the most painful thing you've ever said to either of us.

I am sure that it won't be the worst thing we'll ever hear you say to us. If you're anything like the women in either your Mom's or my family, you're not going to have a problem with verbalizing emotional states that you might regret later on.

But thankfully that is the only thing that came from you that I didn't want to hear in these last few months, at least that I can remember right now. You have been a very affectionate, curious kid lately, and you often want to engage your Mom or I in some modified play with your toys or a game. Its not enough to play the game under the rules, but you usually want to change the way the game is played and are usually chiding us to keep up. Its pretty funny and shows a depth of imagination that I am very proud of.

This month, I have been trying to get more time with just the two of us. To that end, we have gone to the theater twice, once to see 'The Princess and the Frog' and another to see 'The Chipmunks Squeakquel'. We have been going on walks together, sometimes me pulling you on the sled, sometimes you end up wrestling me in the snow. Its always a lot of fun hanging out just the two of us, and time alone with you is something that I want to do a whole lot more of. I am looking into a weekly yoga class for us to take that should start up this month. More on that next letter.

Now, to christmas. This year we tried hard not to spoil you too much. I kept trying to rein your Mom in from buying too many presents, not because I don't want to give you everything I can, but because I want you to value the things you do get. As it was it ended up being like trying to swim against the tide. I managed to convince your Mom not to go completely crazy, but we had a very large tree and it was circled by an awful pile of presents, almost every one of them for you.

Your favourite thing from us this year was a Barbie RV that your Mom wanted for you as much as she thought you might want it yourself. Nothing wrong with a little vicarious living. I admit to a certain sense of pride when you want to watch superhero cartoons with me. But once you saw that RV, you could have just as easily left the rest of the presents for next year, I think.

You got a few Barbies to go with it, a couple of dolls, and an EZ Bake oven, but that was the bulk of the toys. We got you a few games and a lot of craft supplies, in an attempt to at least get you things you might learn from, but the truth is you learn from your interactions with whatever you play with, so that's a bit of a non-issue.

The other present you got this year that you went crazy over wasn't from us at all. Your Mom's parents got you a pair of skates, and these went over very well indeed with you. It just happens that this year the lake in front of your grandparents froze over perfectly smooth, and from a spot only a few hundred yards from their beach, the lake is frozen as smooth as glass for miles onwards. This combined with only a skiff of snow meant that once we were done opening presents, we took you out on the lake to break in your skates. You loved it, and took to it amazingly well. Your Uncle Dave was good enough to give you your first skating lesson, and I have since gotten myself a pair of skates. I haven't been on a pair for a very long time, but my own Dad had me in a pair before I could walk properly, so I should be able to teach you a few tricks.

We celebrated New Year's this year the way we do most things, quietly and as a family. We stayed home for the night, had a BBQ, and set off a pile of fireworks on the front lawn. You loved that part, though you were too excited to wait until anywhere near midnight.

And thanks to a rare second full moon in one month, the night was bright enough for a very late trip to the local park. Oddly enough at almost midnight on New Year's Eve, we had the place to ourselves.

I hope you know how much you enrich my life, Trin. And I look forward to another year of adventure, challenge and reward with you.

Love you,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 52 months

2009-11-08T19:03:00.002-05:00

Dear Trinity,

Another October has passed, and with it another chance for you to wear one of the many costumes you own out in a publicly acceptable display. You already have a large bucket of dress up clothes, and you love to wear different outfits, mixing and matching pieces of princess and fairy and superhero gear alike.

For me, I love Halloween. I suppose if I had a favourite holiday, this would be it. Your Mom usually talks me out of wearing a costume along with you when we take you out. That is more her attempting to save herself from embarrassment than any effort of hers to save my own dignity. So I usually talk about getting some awesome costume and then don't. Last year we were all invited to a Halloween party, so I got to indulge myself a little, and went dressed as Dr. Horrible. Not one person there knew who I was supposed to be, and I was fine with that. I am that kind of guy.

That Batgirl costume that I told you about last month saw a lot of use this Halloween season. You wore it to a few Halloween themed birthday parties, a couple of dedicated Halloween parties, an event at your Gymnastics club, and out for Halloween night. You also wore it around the house a lot in the days between. I have rarely been so proud, and there are a lot worse things you could play at than being a superhero.

Yesterday, your Mom and I took you to Eau Claire Gorge, a local scenic site, that by the time you read this, you are well aware of, or we've moved. There are a number of walking paths along the Amable du Fond river that runs through the gorge and it is a very soothing place. No leaves left on the trees, and there was actually a shocking amount of snow in the bush that I wasn't expecting, but it was a very nice hike. I suppose that it isn't really a place for 4 year olds, but your Mom and I hung on tight to each hand, and kept you well away from the edge. You loved it, and after we had done the entire circuit, you asked if we could do it all over again. That second time, we got about halfway through before you let us know that your feet were cold and you wanted the safety and warmth of the car, but we didn't mind a bit.

School continues to be a pretty thorny issue with you these days. There was an incident last month that really set you back about wanting to go to school, and we have yet to recover from it. We had told the teacher, principal and even some of the support staff at the school that because this was a year that we were using to introduce you to school only, if you ever wanted to come home and said so, they were to call us immediately and we would come and get you. Your teacher bristled about this, similar to the way that she bristled when we told her we were only sending you on Mondays, Wednesdays and every second Friday, as you were originally scheduled to do. That schedule fell through in favour of a five day a week full time schedule, but in spite of what your teacher thought best, we expected her to respect our wishes. She didn't. You had a bad day early this month and indicated to your teacher that you wanted to come home, and began to cry for Mom. Who can blame you? You have until now, spent every day with the unconditional love of this person, and who wouldn't miss that? Your teacher refused to call us, and the bottom line is that you spent the next 3 hours sobbing and repeatedly asking for the teacher to call your Mom, which she finally did.

Once your Mom came to get you, there were discussions with both the teacher and the principal about how this was to be handled if it re-occurred, but the damage had been done by that point. You were at least somewhat traumatized by this event and don't even like to hear the word school anymore. So we decided to let you take a 'break' from school, one that, the way things are going, is likely to last until into the new year.

So for now, you are home with your Mom again every day, and I come home from work to hear how you've been learning your numbers, your shapes, your alphabet from a better teacher than the one we were previously sending you to: your Mom.

Otherwise things have a feeling of change around here lately, maybe I'll tell you more about that next month.

In the meantime, I will love you as much as any Dad could ever love his little girl; more than anything else in the world.

Love,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 51 months

2009-10-03T00:22:00.003-04:00

Dear Trinity,

This has been quite a month around here. The biggest change in your life since we moved and certainly the biggest event to happen to you that you can remember. You started going to school.

And so far, you pretty much love it. The first day your Mom and I took you to school you got out of the car, said hi to your teacher and to the kids there that you did know, and you never once looked back. It was a great deal sadder for us than it was for you. More for your Mom than for me as she is now at home half of the time with just our dog to keep her company. So its a big change for her too.

You have had a few days that you didn't want to go as much as others, and one day you decided that you needed to go home once you got to school. And of course, we accommodated that. Bottom line is that you don't have to go at all this year, but not having other kids around all that often isn't helping, and you are already older than you need to be because you hang around adults so much of the time. Well, when referencing me, I use the term adult loosely, but you know what I mean.

A couple of the other things that have been going on lately: your grandpa came back for a visit and spent the entire time playing with you. You love having him around and I love that he wants to spend time with you.

You have been going back and forth on what to wear for Halloween. One day its a princess, the next its a superhero. We bought you two costumes and let you pick the one you were going to keep. So, for now, you're Batgirl. We'll see how it goes.

We went to an event yesterday to show off a local school, and some of the community events involved in our area. You and your mom and I went to a yoga class and a smoothie demonstration. The yoga was great, because its something you and I already do at home, and you are great at it.

Looking forward to another month of surprises and fun with you.

Love you,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 50 months

2009-09-12T11:36:00.005-04:00

Dear Trinity,

As I write this, it is the weekend prior to you starting school and I find that is predominating over anything else I might have to say about you this month.

We opted to send you to school for 5 days out of every ten, (3 days one week, 2 the next) for full days. The school you were set up to go to originally had offered this to kids going to Junior Kindergarten and then changed it to 5 days a week, full days just last week. Needless to say, your Mom and I were less than impressed. We decided to stick with our original plan. You have been with your 'staying at home' Mom for all of your 4 years of life so far, and we aren't interested in sending you to daycare every day now, just because its in a school.

Your Mom is probably going to take this the hardest. She's devoted basically the last four years of her life to being with you, because that is what we had always wanted (and still maintain). But I think she might have grown more than a little accustomed to getting you all to herself all this time. But she'll adjust, and I know already that she looks back on this time with you as the best, most fulfilling period of her life.

For my end, I find myself far more concerned with your safety, while at school and getting to and from, that anything else. The idea of my little four year old baby girl riding a bus without us there to keep an eye on things makes me more than a little queasy. But I know that once you've started to go and its become routine things will settle down. Truth is, I can't wait to talk to you about all the new things you're learning, and either add my own take, or help you to find out more. I am interested also in hearing how others react to how intelligent you are.

You however are nothing but excited about the whole thing, although your enthusiasm for riding the bus seems to be dwindling the closer we get to the big day. The idea of school, and playing and interacting with other kids is a delight for you. And the one half day that you have spent already with your teacher last week was enough to convince you that you're going to like it.

I look forward to telling you all about it.

You have managed to do a few fun things this past month besides getting ready for school. Your Grandpa and Grandma came to visit (both my Mom, and Dad, obviously on separate visits). You had a lot of fun with both of them, but you are particularly fond of my Dad, and he of you.

We also took you to your (and my) first fall Farmer's Fair. There were horse pulls, pony rides, and a lot more cowboy hats than one might expect for Northern Ontario. But they also had a great big bouncy ride, and a tiny train on a circular track. You loved those quite a bit. I hope to get to take you to it again next year.

I love you,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 4 years

2009-07-05T02:26:00.003-04:00

Dear Trinity,

Today you turned 4 years old. Weird feeling typing that. I mean I am all for you growing up and learning and developing, but I am really feeling like an ending is coming. Your mom has been home with you for your entire life to date and now that you are old enough you will be heading to school soon. Going to be a huge change for all of us and the irony is that you are looking forward to it a lot more than we are.

Maybe it's the loss of control or just not knowing what you're doing at any given moment but I just get a sinking feeling in my stomach everytime I think about this tiny little being climbing onto a bus and leaving to go elsewhere. Ugh. I think your mom should stay a stay at home mom just so she can transport you back and forth to school. Even if it is only a couple of days a week.

This month you finished gymnastics and again earned a stellar report card and a ribbon. I wonder when you have so much fun doing something like this if it's something you'll still do as you get older, maybe get really good at or if it's something that is just a passing fancy that you don't even really remember ever doing.

You also have been working on your outdoor skills. You tried fishing on the dock and have become quite good at catching and releasing little critters around the yard. You briefly had a salamander and a toad as temporary pets until they each made a brilliant escape from the buckets you had each of them in.

You have been working on your letters a little bit. We try to encourage you whenever we can to practice counting or identifying letters. So far you're not too comfortable with the whole alphabet thing but you do know that you're name starts wig a T and you have gotten really good at writing it. It's fun to watch you try to do the things that you know you get encouraged and praised for.

Another thing that is finally ended is the project I started finishing our basement. Now that it's done there is a nice big home heater room for us to watch movies and play videogames in and you love participating in either. Your favorite game so far is Lego Indiana Jones. You just laugh when we play it together.

So that's the month. I can't wait for the next 3 weeks to be over with because I took some time off this summer and beginning in 3 weeks (sooner in fact) I am going to be off for 2.5 weeks with you and your mom. No plans, just maybe do a little camping, hang out around the house. Should be a lot of fun to just be with you guys and not worry about work.

I love you so much.

Daddy

letter to trinity: 47 months

2009-06-04T23:46:00.001-04:00

Dear Trinity,

So, first to the school stuff. Your Mom and I took you to an open house at one of the schools we were thinking about sending you to, and as it turns out, we never had to bother with any others. The school was new, very modern, great teachers, in a quiet area, and appears to be very safe. You might actually have thrown us a bit when it became clear just how much you liked it. This is going to be hard enough on your Mom as it is without you actually wanting to go. I think she may have gotten more than a little attached to you being home with you these last (almost 4) years.

And speaking of which, next month will see your 4th birthday. Not sure what we're doing exactly yet, but it will involve a party, lots of presents, probably some visiting with family and friends.

Love Daddy

letter to trinity: 46 months

2009-05-06T23:00:00.000-04:00

Dear Trinity,

Swearing. That seems to be as good a place as any to get started. Sheezite. You overhead someone saying a similar sounding word in the recent past, and while you didn't quite get the word right, you clearly got its context and application. So now when something doesn't go your way, you make a show of irritation and use your new word in very inventive and adult-sounding utterances. Its really funny.

This past month saw Easter come and go. While we are not at all religious people and are doing our level best to encourage critical thinking in you, we are still exposing you to the secular side of the traditional holidays. I don't want to head into a discussion about imaginary friends here, or your Mom's insistence that we also encourage their belief, as that is quite at odds with the aforementioned critical thinking. But I will say that watching you tear around the house looking for easter eggs is a joy all on its own.

Things have been otherwise fairly quiet around here lately. Your mom and I have been debating the fine points of junior kindergarten and which public school we are going to sign you up for. More on that next month.

Not to much else to say princess. Just waiting for the weather to finally change. I am looking forward to doing some fun things with you this summer. Hopefully take you back to the zoo, teach you to ride a bike, take you canoeing, maybe even camping. Though I am going to have to work on that last one: I might not be the most outdoorsy dude in the world, but your Mom makes me look like a seasoned woodsman.

Love you,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 45 months

2009-04-07T22:30:00.007-04:00

Dear Trin,

Another month goes by, another month where I spend almost all my free time working on finishing our basement. So I haven't gotten to go on too many adventures with you because I've been busy making a ridiculous mess of our house. But that being said, I am so close to being finished. And when its done, and the real reason I started doing all this work is complete (that is the Home Theater in the basement that I quietly built along with the other rooms your Mom wanted) the very first thing we're going to watch on our 106" screen is going to be the Hannah Montana movie in 3D. Because I can always bring it back to being about you.

We did get to go on one fun family outing this past month though. We took you to see Disney on Ice, and once we had told you it was coming, it was all you could talk about for weeks. The show was shockingly good compared to the expectations I had going into it. I think I expected a couple of kids with skates and Mickey Mouse hats to come out, dance it up and then pander to the kids. Instead it was a really well choreographed series of dance numbers, with appearances by some of your favourite characters including pretty much all of the current Disney princesses, and The Incredibles. You were, in a word, enraptured.

We also got to spend the night with friends of ours in Niagara Falls. Great people, really fun that they were cool about letting us flop at their place en route to the show the next day. They put on a huge breakfast, ostensibly for us, but really for you, in the hopes that you would love with something they made. They put on eggs, sausage, bacon, toast, pancakes, toast, cereal and I don't even remember what else. What I do remember is that for all that work, you ate nothing, and I spent the day with a straining stomach.

And for some reason that I also can't remember, at some point in the last month, you got it into your head that it would be a great idea to put a gift bag with a batman symbol on it on your head and run around yelling the 60s theme music a la 'Da-na na-na na- na na-na Batman!' A lot of the time I see your Mom in everything you do, but every once in awhile, you do something like that, and I just smile, knowing that no matter what, you are definitely my kid.

See you next month,

Love Daddy

letter to trinity: 44 months

2009-03-08T18:44:00.003-04:00

Dear Trinity,

I am writing this letter way late this time, as I've been working on finishing our basement during pretty much every spare moment I've had for the last few weeks.

You have had a great past month, as is usual for you. Less tantrums, and more forward progress. You've been regularly attending library classes and gymnastics. And you got your very first report card from your gymnastics coach. She took the time to tell you how improved you were and how advanced you were at all of the activities. You got a ribbon with it, and were inordinately proud of wearing it around the house.

You pretty much accidentally discovered math, all on your own. Certainly we've been encouraging, teaching you counting. But you just started figuring out that different sets of numbers can be combined on each of your hands to make a whole new one. It was counting your books that actually was the impetus for your discovery. Its so cool to watch you make these connections.

You've been dreaming a lot more lately. And because you're anxieties are maturing as you are, you have also had a few bad ones. For some reason, you have yet to fully understand the whole toilet thing, even though we showed you how the pipes work, where everything goes when you flush. So the focus of the bad dreams you've been having have had to do with various things going down the drain and getting stuck. Most recently it was crayons. Crayons. But whatever the source, it just shows that you are trying to find ways to process the inputs your exposed to. I wish that this one didn't cause you so much grief, but I'm fairly certain that it won't be the worst thing that will ever enter your subconscious. If only.

You got to go on a pretty fun road trip this month. We went to stay with my Dad and his wife in Ottawa, and you spent a day down at Winterlude, eating Beaver Tails, skating for the first time, enjoying a late night light show. It was a lot of fun. And the best part is that you spent a lot of time with your Grandpa, and I was really happy about that. He and I aren't as close now as I guess we could be, but I love that he wants to be a good Grandpa to you.

One last thing that you and I got to do that I was very happy about was yoga. I've been practicing yoga for years now, never as often as I would like but I finally attended a class, and brought you with me. It was a kids class and it was a superhero theme day too. It was awesome and you were really good at it.

Talk to you in a month.

Love Daddy

letter to trinity: 43 months

2009-02-08T20:17:00.009-05:00

Dear Trinity,

I start writing this month's letter as you sit about a foot away from me watching a cartoon on the Disney channel. You're laying splayed out on your belly with your legs in the air and you look like I think you will look as a teenager, and it makes me miss the little girl beside me already.

We're almost through the worst of the winter now (yay!) and its probably a good thing that is the case. I can get you to come out with me when I go walk our dog, you'll go outside for a brief play in the snow once in awhile, and your Mom has some success doing the same while I am at work, but the bottom line is you just don't like the cold very much. I think its putting all those clothes on that you just find too tiresome. So it'll be good once the warm weather comes, so we can get you outside a little bit more.

The other day I came home to you telling me that Mommy doesn't know how to open the spider web. I hadn't a clue what you were talking about until your Mom told me that she was unable to access a certain web site that you wanted to check out. I think it was the Marvel Create Your Own Hero site, one that you and I visit a lot together. So, spider web = web site. You're so freaking cute. And you have also been asking to learn 'your letters' on the computer, so I have been showing you how to spell simple words, and letting you pretend that you know how to spell them.

You and your Mom went on a road trip for the first time this month. You drove down during a workweek to spend a few days with your Aunt Lisa and your Mom's grandparents. I thought I'd look forward to the quiet and relative peace, but the real truth is I was bored of all that silence after only a few hours. So I was a very happy dad when you came home days later. Your Mom came home telling me how smart you are, after you realized that you almost drove by the place we always stop when we go a family trip. So she rewarded your sharp memory by stopping and having an early supper.

You are becoming very generous these days, and are happy to share your stuff with your friends, us, other family. Usually its in the context of getting us to play with you with whatever you are sharing, but its still really nice to see. Today while at a play date with a one year old daughter of a friend of your Aunt Becky's, as you were getting in the car you ran back to the house to deliver an old book of yours that you always read on the road. It was a really nice gesture, but I hope you don't go looking for that book anytime soon.

You have not quite mastered the ability to know when not to make commentary about the things that you see. You saw a fellow who was well on his way to losing his hair and instead of whispering your comment to your mom, you yelled at the top of your lungs 'Hey Mom, that guy is BALD!'. And twice now in the last month you have seen overweight people and told us in the same loud, unconcerned voice, that they have too much food in their tummies. We can't help but laugh.

This month you have made two unsuccessful attempts to sleep over at grandma and grandpa's house. You have asked to stay after we've gone over for supper, and your Mom and I were happy to let you stay, but aware that there was a good chance of you calling and wanting to come home. And you did both times. We live a few minutes' drive away, so its no big deal, and its cool that you are trying to assert your independence that way. Sooner or later, you'll stay the night.

You are still loving being read to and pretending to read, and very likely because you see me doing it, one of the your favourite things to read is comic books. In some ways, you're a real chip off the old block.

Talk to you next month,

Love Daddy

letter to trinity: 42 months

2009-01-10T21:59:00.017-05:00

Dear Trinity,

Ok, so last month I talked a bit about you asserting yourself at bedtime. I have chosen to talk to you again about this in this letter because assertive might not quite have been as descriptive as it needed to be. You are actually kind of a horror show at bedtime these days.

We only recently stopped lying down with you at night until you fell asleep, something carried over from your Mom bringing you to bed from when I worked nights. So now, we have been putting you into your bed, reading you a story or two each, and then leaving you with a stuffed animal, and hoping that you will fall asleep on your own. And it hasn't worked once. Most nights, you run out of your room immediately after we leave. We cajole, we ask, we order, and occasionally I even raise my voice. None of it works. Most nights you run around the house, yelling, throwing tantrums, jumping on the furniture, and pretty much misbehaving in any way you can to let us know how much you think bedtime sucks.

And the thing about this that grinds us the most is that we think of ourselves as pretty good parents. We aren't overly demanding of you, we give you a lot of freedoms, we try to spend as much time teaching, playing and interacting with you as we can. But either because, or in spite of the fact that we try to be nice-nice with the parenting, you are running all over us with this one. Even your Mom, who is way cooler headed than I am, is about ready to pull her hair out. I hope to have a better update about this next month, because right now, I am feeling like one of those parents that walks around telling anyone who will listen how naive I was before I had kids.

You did do one really cute thing early one morning (or late one night) in regards to bedtime, so I'll tell you about that. After everyone was asleep for awhile, you woke up, crept into our bedroom, and stood in the door saying 'Excuse me' until we woke up, and then asked if you could please join us in our bed. I have kind of been waiting for that one since your Mom got pregnant, and it was pretty adorable. Of course, we let you into our bed.

There were some good milestones this past month. You use the toilet now a lot more, and you have the mechanics that go along with that pretty much nailed down. We are really excited about how well this is going, especially because you still don't like to think about the pooping.

You have a best friend now, and for the first time, it isn't either your Mom or I. You have often told either of us that we were your best friend at various moments, and its very endearing, but you have decided that the little girl down the road, Anna is now your real best friend. You have gotten to see her regularly during play dates that your Mom has set up for you and every time you see her, you run up to her and hug her and tell her how she is your best friend. I wonder if later on in your life, if you will even know who this girl is, or if you do, if you will be friends with her.

Your self-directed play is evolving more and more all the time. You are getting away from the need to have someone else play with you every minute of the day. A lot of times you still want to play with your Mom or I, or whoever else is handy, but more and more now you will pick up dolls, or toys and start interacting with them on your own, making up voices and having animated discussions between the participants.

You have also really been getting into using the baby voice on us. You like to turn it on as a play tool, and that is pretty fun to listen to, but you also like to use it to on us as an additional bargaining tool. And the sad thing is, the cuteness of it means that it works almost every single time.

We had a real fun xmas with you last month. This wasn't the first year that you knew what was going on, but this was the first time you got behind the whole santa thing, (which I would have been just fine with playing down as much as possible). You also really got into giving presents to others which was fun, but between all the people in your life that wanted to give you gifts, you still managed to get spoiled rotten. Including us, even though we did our level best to avoid it.

In spite of the bedtime hijinx, you remain the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Love,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 41 months

2008-12-06T12:33:00.000-05:00

Dear Trinity,

Another big month in the bathroom! Just a few weeks after you began using the potty for peeing, you woke up one night and used the toilet for that other thing people do on it. We were so proud of you. It hasn't been repeated yet, but we know it will, and we are so happy. Nice to get you feeling independent.

Speaking of Independence however, you really are starting to assert yourself more these days, and sometimes no in the ways that we would necessarily want you to. You have begun to seriously rail against bedtime, no matter how late it might be or how busy your day has been. I don't think that it has anything to do with not sleeping well, because once you're asleep you usually wake up only to call Mom in to sleep with you. No apparent bad dreams or anything. You just (like me) would rather not have to sleep at all it seems. I can't really say too much as I typically stay up until I can't keep my eyes open myself. I figure I'll get plenty of rest when I'm dead. You might not quite have the philosophical bent yet that I do, but the roots of it appear to be there nonetheless.

And finally you are starting to really miss me again when I am not around. Took awhile, because lately you've been wanting Mommy around all the time, even when I am home from work. But I have been continuing to spend some time every Saturday with just you and I, and now you want most days to be Saturday. Last night you enthusiastically asked me 'You don't have to work tomorrow?' and without waiting for a response, promptly went over to your Mom and told her to go shopping and very nicely asked her not to be home when you woke up. It might have been sad for your Mom, but it was both funny and a nice moment for me. Too bad you asked it on a Tuesday night.

Love you,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 40 months

2008-11-06T18:43:00.001-05:00

Dear Trin,

Big news, at least from our perspective: You have made the move, in one day, from diapers to the potty. Certainly we had encouraged you to try peeing on the potty before, but because you have always had a few, er, issues with bowel movements, we always figured that you would let us know when you were ready. And you did.

After we had talked to you a bit about it last month, your Mom just asked one day last week if you wanted to give it another try, and you haven't had a diaper on since. I quit smoking the exact same way, come to think of it. But I digress. We were both SO proud of you, and continue to lavish you with praise, and a unique sugar free bubblegum-based reward system each success you have. Certainly there have been, and will continue to be accidents along the way, for a long time to come, I am sure. But its a big thing, and we are very happy that you did this one when you were ready and not when we were. Although, I am not looking forward to the first long road trip we take, but I don't have one planned for awhile so I'm not too worried about that.

You and I have started a weekly hang out on Saturday mornings, another of the good things about working a regular job. So we send your Mom out shopping or something, and we've been spending the bulk of our Saturdays playing, puttering with some small task around the house, watching movies, reading stories, etc. I love it. You and I do get to spend a lot of time together already, but we don't get time when its just you and I, as your Mom is usually hanging out with us too.

You have been playing some really interesting games lately. As far as I know you made them up on your own too. One of them is where you say freeze, and instead of simply stopping in place, you want us to assume some ridiculous position and then freeze. You participate though, so that's kept if from getting old. And you also made up this game where you lay down pretending to sleep, and then need one of us to give you a true love's kiss to wake you. That one can be pretty funny, because you are usually laughing the whole time.

And the other day, you had Mommy call me at work and the first thing you said to me was 'Mommy doesn't know how to work your laptop', this in reference to you guys attempting to stream a movie I downloaded for you. I had a good laugh at my desk over that one. I got a few looks, but I really don't worry too much about that sort of thing.

And one last note of interest: The family of deer that have been living pretty much in our backyard contintue to fascinate you. The things are so tame now that even when they know we are watching them eat the grass in our backyard, you squealing and cheering them on, they just keep on with the meal as if nothing was going on. Its really cute.

See you next month.

Love,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 39 months

2008-10-05T01:23:00.005-04:00

Dear Trinity,

Well I have been at the day job for just over a month now, and it has indeed changed things quite a bit. I see you a lot more regularly, even though it has also meant that I don't get to get long stretches of time in a row with you any more. One thing that drives me nuts is that you still don't quite have the schedule down, so you ask me every day (no matter whether I have been working or if I am off) and ask me 'You don't have to work tomorrow?'. It would be nice if I could say that I don't as often as I used to be able to. But it has made things a little more normal feeling. You and I play every night when I get home, and at least now you don't have to wonder where I am at night or why I am sleeping all day when you want me to get up and spend time with you.

So what's new? Your mom got you signed up for gymnastics, beginning next week. I can't imagine that your excitement level will ever approach that of your Mom and I, but it's kind of close. We are just excited to see you get into something that will let you utilize the boundless energy reserves you have. Have I mentioned in these letters yet that you haven't been a regular napper since you were about 6 months old, maybe even younger? So we are going to try to get you into stuff that accommodates you, and gives you some focus.

We have been finally getting around to talking to you about potty training. We haven't really started pushing you yet, because honestly, we aren't going to be the real 'pushy' kind of parents. You don't want to use the toilet yet? No big deal, you will eventually. But it's one of those things that's out there now, so we'll see how it goes.

You have decided that your Mom is your all-time best friend again. There was a period over this past summer that you spent being really mad at her, we think because she was working a few days a week while I was off with you. Now that she is back at home with you all the time again, you seem to have forgotten why you were angry and now she can't leave the house without you attached to her. Its awesome for your Mom, but not so great for me. I had been hoping to start spending Saturdays just the two of us, but when I tried to take you out with me this morning, you went nuts demanding that Mommy come with us. So we got in a little family time, and it was still fun. But it wasn't what I had been going for.

You have seemed to calm down a bit lately too, thankfully. There have been fewer of your crazy throwing things tantrums as there were in recent months. But you have now picked up the fun little habit of spitting in the most inappropriate places. On our couch, in a restaurant, on us. Not sure what that is about, but its a weird one. But I guess if that's the worst thing you're doing, we should count ourselves lucky.

You are going to get to go over to a house belonging to a friend of mine with your Mom and I tomorrow, and that should be interesting. They have two little girls close to your age, but they are French and don't speak much English as far I know. Be neat to see how you handle that one, not having ever heard a French word in your whole life up til now.

And you like to be scared now. You will ask us to rewind any even mildly tense part of a movie or show that you are watching just so you can delight in squealing in fear and running over to one of us for support. And just so you know, I am not talking about anything actually scary; maybe its the part of an episode of Franklin where the little turtle learns to confront his fears of his cellar. Things like that.

Anyway, not much else to tell you I guess. Life is great with you, even when you are trying the last vestiges of my admittedly thin patience. I love how sweet and polite you are, and I love the little baby voice you have taken to use when you are feeling shy or insecure.

Talk to you next month,

Love Daddy

letter to trinity: 38 months

2008-09-07T14:05:00.008-04:00

Dear Trinity,

Well, what has changed since last time we talked in these little one-way chats we have? Not as much as in some months. Summer has pretty much wound down, although considering what a wet summer it was, I am not really sure that it ever properly started.

When it wasn't raining and I wasn't either working or sleeping (thank you shift work!), we tried to take advantage of things as best we could. We took you to the beach across the road a lot, and did the local parks whenever we happened to be (or intentionally were going to be) driving by.

When it was raining we had as much indoor fun as we could, and we tried to get creative where possible. We did puzzles, painted, coloured, danced, sang, and after we were all tired, we did resort to the odd movie or Sesame Street break. We even had you try out Rock Band at your Uncle Dave's house. At this point, I don't have any competition from you, but you do have plenty of time to get better.

We took you to Santa's Village a few weeks ago, and in spite of the little voice that starts nagging at the back of my head whenever the subject of encouraging the belief in that particular imaginary friend comes up, we had a great time. The first thing you and I did upon getting to the park was to try out the biggest ride there, a roller-coaster, which while I thought you would be scared out of your mind of, instead you loved and wanted to go on repeatedly. I think after the fourth time through (and each ride going through a complete circuit twice) I was a lot closer to being tired of it than you were. You got your face painted, and sang in an audience participation singalong that we tried to get pics of, but you seemed to be a lot keener in just dancing and rocking out with the rest of the kids.

I have been really lucky in the last few weeks in that your Mom has been working a fair bit for one of the local camps cleaning cottages, so you and I have been getting a lot of time together. You have been using the unpleasant (and to you, seemingly hilarious) phrase that I have been babysitting you, instead of just spending time with you. But maybe that's what I get for being the parent that comes and goes on a near daily basis. But either way, we have been getting to spend lots of time together, most of it good. You are pushing your boundaries a lot lately, so there have been a few more time-outs than I would care for. You chafe whenever we ask you not to do something that you know you shouldn't (climb the furniture, throw things, punch us) and that usually means that you do more of whatever it was that we asked you to stop doing. So that part of our time together isn't as much fun as it could be. But for the most part, we still have a good time.

As always, talk to you next month,

Love Daddy

letter to trinity: 37 months

2008-08-08T00:45:00.001-04:00

Dear Trinity,

This has been a pretty exciting summer for you so far.

You have gotten to enjoy the best parts of living in a quiet lakefront town, namely the beach across the street and the one at your grand parent's place. We have spent a lot of time at both, teaching you to swim, catching (or chasing) minnows, taking you out in the canoe, having picnics, feeding the local ducks.

Your days are usually filled with playing outside, or at the park, or going on little adventures with your Mom and I. You got to have a visit with my Mom, and that was fun, and short, though she disappointingly spent little time with you while she was visiting. Disappointing because you were so excited to see her, and if you're going to drive seven hours, it stands to reason that you might want to get in as much grand daughter time as you could. At least that would be my point of view.

You have pretty much decided that, at least for now, bedtimes are all about Daddy. You want me to be the one to read your stories to you, and tuck you in, and fall asleep with you. In the past this one was exclusively your Mom's domain unless I forced the issue. So even though I think she is a little hurt by it, I get a lot of pleasure from knowing how safe you feel with me, and how you want to be comforted and nurtured by me. You often talk yourself to sleep at night, and a few nights ago, you woke yourself up from the brink of nodding off to tell me that I was your best friend, and to give me another hug and kiss. You were sleeping soundly moments later, and didn't notice that I had a little cry about that.

Speaking of sleep, you had you very first sleepover away from both your Mom and I last night. We have been hinting to your Grandma that we would be okay with it for awhile now, but she only took us up on it this week. You had a blast, or at least you told us you did. The two of you camped out in one of their spare bedrooms, told stories, ate fun snacks. And when we went to pick you up, you regaled us with the whole story. From our end, it was weird to say the least. I may have been away from you plenty of nights, working shift work, but I always knew that your Mom would be around for you. But this was the first night since you were born that you were away from both of us for any length of time. I was really proud of how well your Mommy did. But just for the record, as much fun as your Mom and I discovered we still have together, we would never wish for you not to have entered our lives. Life would have been so BORING without you, and that fact framed our time alone together.

And some changes are coming our way, hopefully for the better. For all of your life so far, I have either been working from home or have been working shift work, and among other reasons for working strange hours, the primary reason for me not to find a regular day job has always been that because your Mom has stayed home with you instead of working, being at home or on shifts maximized the amount of time that I was able to be home with the both of you. I even turned down a promotion at work recently because I wasn't ready to give that up.

That being said however, a fact of life with only me working means that money talks, and when a job was offered to me that would make a significant difference in our family income, I had to factor that aspect into my thinking as well. So by the time I write you your next letter I will be back among the normal weekday working crowd, and not off through the week as much with you guys. I will be home a lot earlier on my days, and between that and no more night shifts your Mom and I hope that you can get used to a normal routine for a change. So that should be nice. I am also going to try to keep Saturday mornings as your and my special time, so we may have to send your Mom shopping or something so we can hang out together.

I will talk to you next month,

Love Daddy

letter to trinity: 36 months

2008-07-05T07:23:00.000-04:00

Dear Trinity,

Today you are 3 years old.

To start with, let me tell you that the last three years of my life have been more fulfilling and rewarding than I could have ever imagined and I owe that completely to you. They have, anecdotally, also been among the most challenging and very occasionally frustrating years of my life, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

We had a party for you at the house this afternoon, and it went really well. This year, we had our first 'real' kid's party, with only myself, your Mom, and your local set of Grandparents in attendance from the family. Everyone else was either a young friend of yours or their parent.

Your Mom did a great job of getting the party together. I helped, but only in the sense that I did what she told me to do. We had the yard mostly decorated with balloons and crepe paper, and had chairs and tables set up around the patches of new grass on our new yard. Among other things, one of the things we found out today was that we need to get a tractor in to level that yard, because at one point or another probably half the partiers fell out of their chairs on the uneven ground. Another thing we found out is that the new playground that your Granparents and I spent a Saturday afternoon working on a few weeks ago isn't quite as sturdy as we thought it was, as at one point with a pile of kids swinging and sliding on it, one of the supports came right out of the ground. We'll try to have that fixed for next year.

You seemed to have a really good time though, and it was great to get to see you interacting with a bunch of kids mostly your age. One of the things your Mom and I worry about is that it might be hard for you, not to have any other little people around to interact with, and that having only us around might be doing you some harm. Certainly not enough to convinve us that having another baby is a good idea, but enough to give us pause nonetheless. So it was wonderful to sit back and watch you running around playing, laughing, shoving, yelling with kids your age.

However, and I know I sound like a cliche here, but watching you today it was also bittersweet noticing that you are no longer an infant anymore, even though that description hasn't fit for a long time. Now, you really are a little girl.

I took a drive tonight, late in the middle of a night shift, mostly to clear my head and let the wind rush through the open window at me me in an effort to rouse me a bit. As I was driving, I passed a woman walking alone and somehow got thinking of you. I don't think I can describe her well, having just got a passing glimpse of her, other than to say she wasn't too tall, seemed thin, and looked to be 40ish. She seemed too old to be out doing whatever it is real young people do at 1 in the morning, and I got to thinking about what she was doing, where she was headed, where she was coming from. I suppose I interposed an older version of you onto her, and got to wondering what you'd be up to when you are her age. Would you be out like her, walking around late at night by yourself, maybe going back to an empty place? Would you live close enough by that if the mood or the need struck you that you could always come home, no matter what the circumstances were? Would you know that you would always be welcome? Would I still be around to be there for you to come back to?

I know, I get melodramatic sometimes. That is probably not news to you. I just feel so much more aware of the passage of time and your movement through it these days.Not so much mine or your Mom's, because having found each other I feel like we are held together in a bond that I hope to live the rest of my life inside of, and time is more or less relative inside it. But I am keenly aware that your stay with us is a transient thing, that you will one day go out on your own and live a life more or less independent of us, and as great a thing as getting to raise you is, it is a melancholy thing indeed to know that you won't be staying with us for the duration, not really.

But for now, you are still my little girl, growing up in increments notwithstanding, and I am looking forward to getting to see many more of your birthdays pass, and hoping that they are as much fun as today was.

I hope you know how much your Daddy loves you.

See you next month,

Dad.

letter to trinity: 35 months

2008-06-07T15:39:00.001-04:00

Dear Trinity,

One more month and you are going to be three years old. I hardly know what to say about that, though when the time comes I'll do my best regardless.

I wanted to talk to you this month about your Mom a bit, because she doesn't use this kind of communication to talk to you, and deserves the same kind of conduit to you that I have. Probably because after keeping up with an almost-3-year-old every day, she's too tired to sit down and type. And your Mom isn't much for technology anyway. Uses it as a tool when she needs it, but that's about it. Her and I couldn't be more different that way.

This month you have managed to be fairly busy while still maintaining some semblance of routine at home, and you have your Mom to thank for that. I work a weird swing shift job and am gone at all different times of day, and I can't keep my own schedule straight so I can't expect you to.

But your Mom is there every morning to wake up with you, and get you breakfast, and read and play and experience the day with you. I am more of a footnote I guess. Sometimes I am there, and sometimes I am either sleeping or at work. But your Mom is a rock.

So whatever happens between now and whenever you read this, I wanted to tall you that your Mom loves you more than you can possibly imagine and that, in my opinion, she is the best Mom ever. I've noticed that people experience parenting very differently, some taking to it as second nature, some doing the bare minimum they think their responsibilities obligate them to, and still others that probably shouldn't have been parents at all. But your Mom is in a class all her own. She is patient, and nurturing, and encouraging, and so loving. But don't go thinking she's a pushover or anything. If you ever need her to be firm (or you do something that requires her to be), your Mom can be as tough as diamond when she needs to be. I know that I've said this before but she is going to be your most stalwart supporter, so lean on that woman whenever you need to.

It goes without saying (yet here I am saying it, and not for the first time) that I am also there for you whenever you need me to be, because there isn't a thing that I wouldn't do for you, your happiness, your safety. The problem is that I have less patience and even lesser resolve. So I end up being less nurturing and a little more demanding of you, yet if you flash those brown eyes and either dive-bomb me with a hug or turn on the waterworks, I pretty much completely cave in t whatever demands you make.

What have you done this month? Well we took you to the Toronto Zoo and aside from the recurring issue of fighting with you about keeping your sun hat on, everyone had a great time. You were amazed by all of the animals, but were particularly fascinated with the elephants, and with any baby animals there. During the trip, you got to meet your new cousin, and you had a lot of fun playing with a real baby, in spite of the fact that he did little more than sleep.

You still delight your Mom and I with some of the things you say. Yesterday you overheard me talking to your Grandma about one of our less popular extended family members, her third husband. The guy's name is Barry but for reasons that I won't get into here, we either refer to him as 'Bunkie', or when we has really annoyed one of us, we refer to him as 'Underpants'. So while I was on the call, you were yelling at the top of your lungs 'Bunkie Underpants'! It was awesome.

You also have been taking to signing quite a bit lately, because either at home or in the car we always have music on. One of your favourites is 'Born to Be Wild' by Steppenwolf and that one you can sing the first verse of spectacularly well. The song you love most seems to be The Beatles 'Hey Jude', because that one you sing along with your Grandpa, and seem to have a pretty rocking time of it.

See you next month.

Love Daddy

letter to trinity: 34 months

2008-05-06T15:08:00.000-04:00

Dear Trinity,

Has a month gone by already? Where did that one go?

I thought I'd first tell you about how your voice affects me these days. I have been working more nights this month than usual and your Mom and you have been calling and leaving me messages on my phone's voicemail. Usually they are of you telling me what you guys are doing at that given moment, either what you did after supper, or what books you might read later. Maybe it is to tell me that you love me or that you had a big poop. I have been saving all of them and listened to them in a row last night while at work. Its good that I was again on nights, because I might have to answer questions from people wondering why I was crying a little at work.

You are so funny lately. You asked me the other day if I was going to go to work that night, and when I said no, you actually yelled 'Woohoo!' and did a little dance. It was awesome. Speaking of dancing, somewhere along the way you have decided that the thing to do while dancing is pull your pants down so that the crack of your butt is exposed, followed usually by a lot of giggling. Not sure where that one comes from, but I do know that you keep doing it because I can't help laughing every time I see you do it. If I have, in so doing, encouraged you into a profession that I might not have otherwise approved of, I formally apologize.

You and I went for haircuts together this month and it was a lot of fun. I couldn't believe how still and obedient you were with the girl doing your hair. Frankly I was thinking about seeing if we could set her up at our place in some way, since you seemed to enjoy the experience so much that you forgot to be your normal wild self. But then the moment passed and I realized that one of the things I love most about you is that you are your own person. But it really was adorable.

Storytime has had a bit of a paradigm shift this month. You have now gone past the point where you want us to read your stories to you, as well as past reading your books to us, and have moved right to attempting to read my books to me. It is very cute and made better by the fact that you like to make up your own stories and characters as you flip the pages. Case in point:

And now, the screaming. Looking back and reading this, do you remember that when you were 34 months old one of the best ways you could think of to get our attention was to scream as loud as you can? We certainly are having a tough time figuring it out. You get a lot of attention from both of us, and you pretty much always have your Mom around to interact with, so its a strange thing when you start screaming for no apparent reason other than to get us to stop doing whatever it is we're doing and try to get you from hurting your larynx and our ears any further.

The weather finally started changing for the better a bit this month, although we only had nice weather for a few days and then it either got cold again, rained a lot, or often times both. We actually had snow on the road when we came home from visiting your Aunt and cousin. We had a nice time visiting with them, and not only were you ok with the long drive, you really didn't seem to care that you were cooped up in a car for 5 hours straight each way.

When the weather was nice though, we took you to a bigger park than our usual one and we tried flying a kite, to limited success. But you had a blast alternatively chasing that thing around the park or dragging it along the ground. The view through your eyes really is a fun one. Maybe a little opaque sometimes, but it still provides a sense of wonder to my life that I would never otherwise have.

I love you,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 33 months

2008-04-08T23:13:00.009-04:00

Dear Trinity,

I'm writing you a little later than normal this month; for some reason I haven't felt like I have all that new to tell you lately. But of course, like any other month, you continue to grow and change and develop and I am just not making a big deal enough out of that. Or maybe its that I have been so busy either having fun or losing my (admittedly small amount of) patience with you. One neato thing about your personality developing is that as it grows so does your capacity to want to get your own way, and so often what you want conflicts with what I think might be the right course of action. Foreshadowing for the future, you think?

This month has been about par for our life as it is nowadays. I work a lot, you and your Mom hang out at home a lot, or visit with your family up here. When I am off, we get to hang out, continue watching the few episodes of Star trek that might be considered kid-friendly.

We are going to head down to see your Aunt and some old friends 5 hours away tomorrow morning and I am both really looking forward to the trip and dreading it because its been almost a year since we've had you in the car for that length of time. We will just have to see how it goes.

Your Grandpa came to visit with us this past month. You had such a good time with him, which really surprised us, because you really haven't seen him that much, so we figured you'd be shy around him. But not so. You played harder with him than you have with anyone, launching yourself at him like a skydiver. You made him pretend to be the Big Bad Wolf (of 'Three Little Pigs' fame) about a hundred times, but in your version of the story, the little pig was always the winner. The next time we see him will likely be at his 4th wedding this summer, if we can get to it. Yeah, 4th wedding I said. Ask me about that one sometime.

This month I noticed a greater than usual amount of people commenting about your immense vocabulary and your control over it. I imagine that a function of being around adults more means that you are likely to pick up linguistic skills easier, but its just as plausible that you are a ridiculously smart girl instead. I like that one.

Some favourite things of yours this month: Kraft Dinner. No matter what meal it is, the one thing that we are guaranteed that you will at least eat some of, is Kraft Dinner. You usually like to share too, which always brings a smile. Your favourite book lately has been a collection of condensed Disney stories, that you often prefer to flip through yourself a few times before you pick one (or all) for me to read. Your favourite tv show has been 'Peep and the Big Wide World'. You call it Peep and the Whole Wide World, and you scream bloody murder if we try to correct you. I just call it Peep.

I couldn't settle on what pictures to post with this letter, so I am attaching more than the normal amount. Each of them is just too adorable to toss into the pile of other pictures I'm not showing the world (and you).

See you next month.

As always, your Daddy loves you.

letter to trinity: 32 months

2008-03-08T22:58:00.002-05:00

Dear Trinity,

You and I continue watching old Trek series together and have this month moved to the all-important watching Star Trek: The Next Generation portion of our Daddy/Daughter relationship. Much to Mom's dismay, you really get off on yelling around the room when its time to watch a new episode. Obviously a series that can sometimes show adult themes or violence can only be seen in a very abbreviated state by a 2 year old, but this is where the luck of having a Dad that has seen every episode at least a dozen times comes in. I just skip past the offensive bits and you and I have a blast together.

You continue to amaze with both your vocabulary and your ability to hold conversations with it. You can carry on a conversation now on some level about almost anything, and you have integrated talking so much into your imaginative play that its awesome to just sit back and listen as you tell stories, make up scenarios, have conversations. The books you like to read have also been affected by your growing vocabulary. You now want to read stories that have lots of text and sometimes you like to flip through them and repeat the words you know are associated with each page, as if you were reading them on your own.

The longest part of the winter is almost over now, and I for one am just fine with it. Your Mom and I have spent the last month with you taking advantage of whatever we could think to do in the sometimes ridiculously cold Northern Ontario winter, and we're pretty much ready to start doing things outdoors with you in nicer weather now.

Yesterday, you and I went ice fishing together, (no Mom allowed this time) and hung out with your Uncle Dave and a friend of his and his little girl. You did what we do out there; ate hot dogs, jigged for fish and were generally the highlight of everyone's afternoon. On the way back you honked the horn the entire way across the lake to your grandparents house, and it was funny all the way there.

Today we went out to a local Maple Tapping operation to expose you to probably the last winter outdoor thing we could think of that we hadn't already done or rejected. We went on a horse sleigh ride, saw some part of the 5,000 or so tapped trees, ate taffy and hot dogs, and had an all around awesome time. We also went out for dinner tonight, and you opted to wear a princess dress-up outfit. There was a live band and you again entertained everyone as you ran around the restaurant between our table and the band's setup dancing your little heart out.

The past few months has seen a quantum leap in your ability to draw, a fact that I have gone around telling, showing and blogging about already. Here is the latest from the growing pile of your artwork we are putting away. You actually told us it was Baby Jack Jack from The Incredibles. Awesome.

You also have been really enjoying using the computer lately. You haven't quite got the mouse down yet but your Mom and you discovered interactive flash games on the Sesame Street site and you have been using the keyboard a little when prompted. You love Youtube too, and can't get enough of being able to ask for something and finding a video clip of it a few seconds later. Until you surpass me as the resident computer geek of the family, I will continue to find it both cute and a point of pride.

See you next month,

Love Daddy

letter to trinity: 31 months

2008-02-10T19:07:00.000-05:00

Dear Trinity,

I have to gush about this one. When I saw this picture that you drew when I came home from work tonight I was so taken aback I actually said the words ' I am completely taken aback.'

At which point you said 'Don't take it back!' and proceeded to remove the object of my fandom from the refrigerator. But seriously, this thing is getting framed. You have been drawing, painting and colouring for months now, but out of nowhere your random squiggles and lines and shapes coalesced today into a fairly clearly recognizable depiction of a person, a little baby in fact. I was so taken aback.

And here's an interesting thing; You just watched me open my utorrent client on my laptop and with no prompting from me whatsoever you asked if we could 'download shows Dad?' So either I am introducing you to illegal downloading or I am exposing you to the communal experience of filesharing, depending on one's point of view. But either way, you are paying close attention. If I hadn't already used it, I would claim that the event had me taken aback. But I digress.

This past month has seen your Mom and I expose you to something we thought we wouldn't do for years: ice fishing. I had myself convinced that you were going to end up in the lake if we took you out, but as it turned out, it was a very safe, enjoyable experience. You loved helping out with the bait and were very into being taught how the whole operation worked. It was a lot of fun. And your Mom introduced you to the sole reason why she goes ice fishing; Hot Dogs. Apparently in her family, no matter what time you go out, or if you ate immediately before you left, went you get to the ice hut and light the stove, it is necessary to cook and eat hot dogs. I think it likely that it contributed to your enjoyment of the whole experience.

You have been busy this past month snapping pictures with your new camera, so we have lots and lots of digital pics of the floor, the ceiling, body parts that come off as random blurry somethings, and the occasional self-portrait that would make any MySpace Profile-portrait-taker envious. I mean seriously, things don't get much cuter.

When I sit down to write these letters, I always feel like I need to tell you more about what's going on in your life, because it seems like I fall short of accurately capturing how you've changed since the last month. But I also don't want to feel like I am taking notes either. I guess as long as you look back on these and know how I felt about you when I wrote them, then my work is done.

Love Daddy

letter to trinity: 30 months

2008-01-05T23:37:00.000-05:00

Dear Trinity,

This month you got to spend your first xmas at our new place, and you had quite a time of it. You got a laundry list of things for xmas from your Mom and I, as well as from all of your grandparents and Aunts and Uncles and friends. If things keep on like this, this new house of ours is going to get filled up quicker than we'd planned. Here is some of the loot that I think bears worth remembering:

Twilight Turtle - We got this one for you. It projects a starfield on the ceiling from a cutesy plush turtle. The telescope is next year, so keep your eyes on the stars. Er, ceiling.
Digital Camera - I so love that you have this. Until you take a pic of me with a finger knuckle deep in a nostril with it, that is.
Dora video game - aww, your first video game (actually it isn't but the infant learning one we bought last year never caught on)

You had a lot of fun opening and playing with your new stuff. And you were so polite to everyone, every single time you got a new gift. One would think that you would get tired of all the "Thank you so much"es and "I love you"s, but you didn't seem to. We shot some video and of course, we took a number of obligatory pictures. Not as many as I did last year, because I tried to actually be a participant as well as a photographer this time around.

A friend of mine loaned me the series set of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine and I have been working in episodes pretty much whenever I can. I don't know if its the exposure to it or that you get off on knowing how much it pleases your Dad, but the fact of the matter is that you like Star Trek. For a geek like me I really don't know what else there is to say other than that you. Like. Star Trek. So fun. And it is so annoying for your Mom, because now there is no longer only one trekkie in the house, so we actually get to watch it. Obviously any episode that has any real violence in it gets omitted, or if anything nasty is coming up, we just skip by it. For that reason I end up re-watching a lot of Trek, but I'm not complaining about that. And when you see the Changeling shapeshift your imagination is working overdrive. That is pretty cool.

You got your very first dogsled ride this past month. We were walking our husky and pulling you along on your toboggan at the same time and decided maybe we had ourselves a winning combination. So we hooked the leash to your sled and you had the time of your life. I think we are going to have to get that doggie a proper harness for next time. Both you and her had a big sleep that night and that is the kind of thing your Mom and I like to see in both of you.

It looks like your Mom is going to be able to work a few days a month now that we have access to free daycare (your Grandma) that will make it financially viable for her to. But on the days that your Mom is going to work and I am off (thank you, shift work) you and I are going to get to hang out together, and I am so looking forward to that. And its not looking to be the nasty cold winter we were promised, so hopefully we'll get to do a lot of outdoor fun stuff in the snow. I am thinking of taking you ice fishing, but you are only going if you are attached securely to me. I don't want to spend any part of the trip freaking out worrying about you deciding to see where the hole in the ice goes.

Not much else to tell you about Princess, except that you are my Princess. I don't mind the implied connotation that I think of your Mom as a Queen, because she is, but I am no King, except maybe of random Star Trek trivia.

See you next month,

Love

Daddy

letter to trinity: 29 months

2007-12-05T00:26:00.000-05:00

Dear Trinity,

It's been a big month for the family. We finally moved into our new house a few weeks ago, after what seemed an interminable wait. I love your grandparents a lot, but living with anyone who isn't your immediate family for any length of time can be hard even under the best of circumstances. They were gracious and generous, but not having your own space can always cause friction. And I am sure that your Dad was no picnic for them either.

You love the new place, and that has made your Mom and I a little less anxious. With moving you from the only place you've ever lived into your grandparents, then into another place again, we were worried you wouldn't take well to it. But we forgot what a trooper you are. You love your new room, you moved from a crib to a bed in one night, and you pretty much want to spend all of your time in your room, playing with newly rediscovered toys. Maybe the fact that you have a room again is part of it.

One of the benefits (and downfalls) of living up north is all the snow up here. You love it, and you love getting either pulled on your sled in the snow, or pulling it along yourself. Shovelling it and driving in it are different matters, but so long as you're happy, who am I to complain?

Another christmas is coming soon, and you are totally jazzed about that. There are some things that I am not a big fan of with the holiday, but I don't want to ruin the fun that goes along with knowing that some things aren't what you think they are. You'll find that out all on your own, over and over, without my help. You helped your Mom and I decorate the tree and that was a lot of fun. You went right for the Darth Vader ornament, so its not all bad at all.

We got a surprise visit from your Aunt and cousin last week and you had a great time of it. You got to visit and play with your cousin who you hadn't seen since the early part of the summer. She is just over a year old, and cries a lot, and its almost funny how we all forgot how things were with you at that age. Almost. Of course, you have your own idiosyncrasies at this age; throwing things, screaming, tantrums being the most fun on the list. But its so different when its
someone else's child doing anything negative, even if its my sisters. I love my little niece to bits though, and I do hope that you and her get to be close as you are growing up. Of course, the next time they come up, they could leave the nasty cold that they gave all of us at home.

I can't wait until the next time I have a chunk of time off from work again so we can spend more time together. I envy your Mom a fair bit these days, as she gets to hang out in our new place with you all the time. But even though I have to work a lot of the time, its totally worth it. I get to make sure that my two favourite people are happy. And that's pretty much all that matters.

Love,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 28 months

2007-11-05T10:50:00.000-05:00

Dear Trinity,

Another month, another month that we are still homeless. Even you are getting anxious to get into your own space. Every time we go over to the house you tear down the hall to go check out what (if anything) might have changed in your room and you throw a fit when it is time to leave. And not just any fit. The kind of fit that you lately only reserve for the real freakouts, like when we go shopping and it looks like you aren't going to be getting a treat. Or when we drive past (and do not stop at) a McDonald's. Or when it is time to leave the park.

Man, can you yell. I don't raise my voice very often; I have been always been more the whiny, moody angry type. And your Mom is more of the quiet grudgy angry variety. So we don't know where the screaming comes from. Personally I think it comes from watching your Grandpa in action, because that guy can yell and slam doors with the best of them. Maybe not the finest example of things you're learning while living with your Grandparents, but there it is.

But its not all unfinished houses and door slamming. You have been really fun to hang out with lately. The different facets of your burgeoning new personality come out more and more all the time. For example, seemingly out of nowhere you have decided to proclaim yourself your Uncle's personal champion. He is still banged up pretty bad, the worst of it being his leg slowly healing up, and you have decided to take it on yourself to defend him from any perceived wrongdoing, even from your Mom and I. If someone sits on his couch, even if he isn't coming back for awhile, you pull them out of it. If someone moves his glass, even to refill it, they get a 'That's Uncle Dave's!' for their trouble. It is really funny to watch.

This month has seen the introduction of my two so far favourite phrases from you. The first, 'I love you so much' melts me about as fast as an ice cube might when tossed into the sun. You usually accompany this gem with a huge hug, some kisses, and a nosy thrown in for measure. A nosy being rubbing our noses together and saying 'Nosy, nosy, nosy'. And you do this on your own, without provocation, when you feel the need to communicate how you feel about us. Its awesome.

The other new favourite phrase is this: 'You wanna watch Spaceballs dad?' Inexplicably, this movie fascinates you. It does happen to be one of my all time favourites, and I count among my skills the ability to quote any line from any scene from memory. But I haven't pushed this on you one bit. I think the only time I have ever watched it with you at all was one time waaaaaay back during the first few weeks after you were born and you hadn't yet started sleeping through the night. And that couldn't have been less than 2 years ago. Maybe its the image of Dark Helmet that gets you so. It is pretty funny. Either way, you love this movie, and because of that aforementioned skill about knowing every scene in the movie, I can skip past the parts I deem inappropriate and you and I can watch a good father-daughter movie together. And eat popcorn, let's not forget that part.

Another thing that you are getting into, and this can only be attributed to my interest in comics, is superheroes. You love going through the issues that I am okay with you tearing to shreds and you can name most of the DC Universe now. How many other 2 year olds can do that? The only complaint I would have is that I am now noticing how male centered the superhero genre is. I have tried to find you some girl superhero pjs or play costumes, and its almost impossible. I finally settled on a pair of Spider-Man pjs, and have just taken to calling you Spidey or Spider-Girl, which you love.

Our major highlight from this past month was definitely taking you out for your first Halloween. That was so much fun for everyone. You had a few different outfits to choose from, and you ended up settling on a lion. So cute. And safe? I can’t imagine a safer why to spend Halloween than having your Mom and Dad drive you to every house (you went to 4 total), walk you up to the door and then drive you to the next one. You said Trick or Treat at each stop and you also thanked the candy givers each time.

Next year, I think we might try out one of those mall things, where we sign you up and you go around to the participating retailers to get your goodies. Still as safe, not quite as much fun, but you’re certain to get a ridiculous amount of candy in the process. And that is likely to matter more as the years go by.

I think next year I am going to dress up too. No point in you having all the fun. Maybe we can go as some kind of father daughter team. Although now that I think of it, none really come to mind. Well, I have a year to think about it.

Talk to you next month.

Love,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 27 months

2007-10-06T13:49:00.000-04:00

Dear Trinity,

This month sees the start of the first of 2 additional months that we are still going to be living with your grandparents. The date for our house to be finished was pushed back til mid November, and so we are all one big happy family for a little while longer. Although to be honest, I can't wait to see you running around in your new house. Everytime we visit, you want to visit your new room, and you know where it is, even though the inside of the house is little more than framed.

From your point of view, I don't see how you could be much happier. You get to have lots of different people in and out of the house all the time, so there's always new faces to see and new people to play with and test your boundaries on.

Your favourite song lately is 1234, by Feist. Along with the rest of the world, you discovered it on the latest iPod commercial and asked for it often enough that I both downloaded for you to rock out to in the car and everywhere else, and I added the video to my youtube favourites so you can watch it whenever you ask. Which is a lot.

This month marks the first time that you and your Mom collaboratively ganged up together to make fun of me. Apparently at 3 am when you are usually sleeping in between us (because who wants to sleep in a crib anyway?) you like to thrash and kick and be fairly belligerent about the whole thing. And apparently when that happens, in my sleep I say things like 'Oh, man' and 'I'm trying to sleep!'. And now you and your Mom harangue me every chance you get about it. It is very funny the way you try to do my voice and drag out the 'ohhhhhh, maaaaaan's. I don't think I sound like that, but its still hilarious.

You finger paint now!

What else can I say about that? You finger paint! And you actually seem to be pretty good at it. Your level of concentration alone is worth the price of admission.

This month also marks the last time I will be working days for awhile. I have been getting into the habits involved in working regular days and being off in the evenings and on weekends. We have dinner together, we do the bath, we read a book, you go to bed. It doesn't work that regularly very often, but it was a brief period of normalcy for us, and I was kind of getting used to it.

One of those things we would work into that routine was a read of your currently favourite book, one I picked up for you that retells the story of Star Wars from the perspective of R2D2. You call it the D2 book and you ask for it pretty much everytime. I love that you are into the things that I like, even when I don't push them on you.

Love,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 26 months

2007-09-08T01:51:00.000-04:00

Dear Trinity,

Weird month to talk about this time around. Weird because between spending time at the hospital with your Uncle Dave and starting my new job I really haven't seen you that much.

Your uncle got into a really bad motorbike accident three weeks back, and we've been up to see him at the hospital every day. Sometime we bring you with us, sometimes not. You have been having a real hard time on the times we do bring you along. It turns out that you are not so big on seeing loved ones in pain, on medication, looking distressed. You are getting more comfortable with the whole thing, I suppose because we are taking it more in stride than you are, but that in itself isn't necessarily a good thing. I think more people should feel empathy the way you do.

What's new with you this month?

You continue to love living up north. We moved up here with the intention of you being able to be closer to your grandparents, and you have decided to jump all over the whole thing. Your Grandma has taken you into town shopping (just the two of you!) a few times now and your Mom and I have only had mild anxiety attacks, so we're clearly doing much better with the trust issues.

You have already made more friends up here in one month than you had living down south for the last 2 years. You have playdates each week, and are really seeming to socialize well with the many different new faces.

People are amazed by how well you convey your thoughts; how large your vocabulary is, how long some of your sentences are. From my end, I am just delighted that you and I can carry on conversations back and forth now. Lately you ask me about the world and I do my best to answer as well as I can, knowing full well that you are drinking in my responses like a hungry sponge. I may not give the right or best possible answers, but they are usually the best answers I have handy.

You are getting really good at communicating your feelings as well. When I do see you during the week when I come home from work, you throw your arms around me and tell me that you love me soooooo much. I fall apart every single time. I plan on saving those moments for some undetermined point in the future when you care a little less for me but still feel the need to let me know. I'd like to think it won't happen, but I don't want to be too naive about things.

One thing that I have decided to implement, once a week, is some scheduled Daddy/Trinity time. Last week you and I went out together for the afternoon, went out for lunch, did a little shopping. It was so much fun, and I realized that I need to be very careful not to miss out on the opportunities to bond with you that come up. I don't stay home with you all the time, and I realyl want to build a relaionship with you that is strong and enduring, and that won't happen without my effort. So I have decided that we are going to have at least one afternoon like that a month, and I'm going to shoot for once a week. I am really looking forward to it.

I hope to get to spend more time with you this month than last.

Love,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 25 months

2007-08-08T02:46:00.000-04:00

Dear Trinity,

It's been a big month for our family. We packed up our house, said goodbye to Southern Ontario, and moved the gang back up to where the air is cleaner and the Tim Horton's aren't everywhere just yet.

Our lives are in a particular state or limbo right now. I have yet to start my new position at work, the house we're having built hasn't been started yet, the majority of our belongings are being stored in a family member's ice shacks, and we are living with your Mom's parents. Things have been more stable for us at other points of our lives. But who wants stability anyway, right?

You have been a real trooper throughout the move though. You seemingly couldn't care less about leaving our house behind and moving in with your Grandma and Grandpa. You love living at their place on the lake; so much so in fact that I am more than a little concerned that the next move may not go quite so smoothly. But we'll burn that bridge when we come to it.

You finally received the book I had made for you composed of the first 2 years of these letters I have been writing you. Instead of destroying the thing as I had anticipated, you took one quick glance at it, gave it a 'Meh', and moved right on to something else. I was able to hide my disappointment. But not by much.

We've had a few firsts, your Mom and I. As ridiculous as it is to say this, your Mom and I had our first real date in over two years this past month. One of the really lousy things about living down south is that we had no one close at hand to look after you so your Mom and I could spend some time together. We went to a Police concert while your Grandma stayed at our house with you for the evening. Turns out we still really like each other, so that was fun to find out.

You have been really fun this past month, especially since getting up at your Grandparents' place. You love to swim and play on the beach. You're not a huge fan of wearing the life jacket, but once you've had it on for a few minutes, you get over it. Maybe we're too over protective, but being so near the water with you has put me within only a hair's breadth of having a panic attack at any given moment. The life jacket helps, but only a little.

You have really cultivated a great laugh in the last few weeks. You still have your characteristic chuckle, but now when you find something really funny, you let out this awesome belly laugh. And even if the reason for your laugh wouldn't otherwise be funny to me (say for example, you just dumped a bowl of cheerios on the floor) I can't help but laugh along with you when I hear you go. You particularly found my dressing up as a pirate amusing. Every time I'd give you a 'Yarr!' you'd be in hysterics. I can only hope that I continue to amuse you for a long time to come.

Hmm, what else? We have been trying to take full advantage of this summer's corn crop by getting fresh corn every other night for dinner, and in so doing we have discovered one of your all time favourite foods. You go nuts for the stuff. Its really funny to watch you go to town on it.

Its a weird time for us all Trin; I don't know that I used to care much about feeling disconnected from normalcy before you came along (in fact I have always prided myself on NOT being normal), but now that you're the driving force of our lives, I find I am really looking forward to getting into our new place, being amongst our own things, getting a routine again. Yikes I think I just realized that 32 is a lot older than I thought it was. Well, at least you know what your old man was doing when he really felt his age for the first time.

But old or not, I wouldn't change one single event in my life, good or bad, because the myriad paths my life has taken has led me to moments like this, with you playing peekaboo with me from within your sleeping bag:

I love you,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 2 years

2007-07-08T07:58:00.000-04:00

Dear Trinity,

Well, two whole years with you has come and gone.

Its been quite the ride so far. Now, normally I extoll all of the good things about having you with us, and I'll be doing a bunch of that in a moment, but because of the lack of sleep I'm going on right now, I've decided that I don't want you to think that its all one big party. So I'll try to include the odd note about what new method you've devised of keeping us up at night, or a story about a recent tantrum, if for nothing else than juxtaposition to all the fun you enrich our lives with.

You had a really fun time at your second birthday party. We were still living in Southern Ontario at the time (still are as of this moment in fact), but we had your party at your Grandparents place up north. As is typical for a party at that location, pretty much everyone there was drinking and making a more adult party of things. But it was a lot of fun. You got so many presents that even you were overwhelmed opening them, and you got very quiet (and seemingly frightened) when the whole posse of forty or so people regaled you with a Happy Birthday song.

But you're a trooper so after only a few seconds of shock, you blew out your candles and ripped into one awesome cake.

Some of your favourites out of the many, many presents that you received this year are your Darth Tater, your Baby Elmo, and your Dora sleeping bag. I am still awating the arrival of the one birthday present that your Mom doesn't yet know about, even though its going on a week late now. I had the first 2 years worth of letters that I have written here for you made into a book, and I have hopes that it might survive long enough to see the next 2 year volume. I kind of expect it not to last much past the first day with you, but we'll see how it goes.

You really are becoming such a smart, polite little girl. You recently picked up the please and thankyou's and because you get off on us lavishing praise on you, you tend to say them as often as you can. Especially when you're having one of those afforementioned tantrums, in the hopes that the please will win the day. As in you belting out at the top of your lungs 'PLEASE can I have that toy/read one more story/have some ice cream?!?' whilst writhing on the floor and flailing your arms. It never works, but you have yet to discover that fact for yourself.

One of the more cuter of your recent catchprases is 'take a little drive?'. Its a question you put to us usually after taking a long-to-longish drive already and are approaching or are back in the driveway. It hasn't gotten old yet, because you hardly ever get upset about that one, and when you ask its usually in a sad 'why can't I' kind of voice. Unfortunately for your Mom and I, that one usually works every single time. We expect you to pick up on that one any day now.

You do love to be out and about these days. You like to make friends wherever you go, and you don't seem to be bound by whether those friends are people, animals, or mannequins. I like that you don't discriminate. I also expect a big cheque from Old Navy for the cuteness factor of my daughter holding hands with one of their mannequins.

You love being outside too, either running around in the back yard, walking the dog (albeit a little slower than our Husky might like), playing at the park, or riding in your Grandpa's boat. That last one you really like.

You have grown and changed so fast over these last two years that even though I am constantly trying to keep myself aware of each moment, I can feel each one sliding by at light speed with little for me to do but document them here in the hopes that you will someday appreciate how loved you are. I hope that I am fortunate enough to be able to continue to be with you, and subsequently, to write these letters to you for at least another 2 wonderful years.

I love you,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 23 months

2007-06-05T21:03:00.001-04:00

Dear Trinity,

Wow, what a month this has been. This month, your Mom and I were beginning to think that our little family unit had outgrown our house and started to look around local neighborhoods for some bigger digs. It was during this search that I turned to your Mom and asked why we looking in this area at all, and why we weren't planning a move to our old home town, where we have always planned to get back to someday.

So we switched gears and began the process of thinking about moving back to Northern Ontario. I asked for a transfer at my job. I got one. We listed our house, thinking it would take a long time to sell. It didn't. It was sold for more than we'd asked in less than 24 hours. We met with a builder up north to find out whether we could get something built within the next year. We'll be living in our new house this October. Crazy.

As I sit in the backyard of our current home now, and reflect on what new has taken place with you specifically over the last month, I find it impossible not to reflect on the last 2 years, as your 2nd birthday is now only a few weeks away.

You spent a lot of time up north with your mom and grandparents this past month, while we were pursuing the aforementioned move. You got to swim in the lake again, and play on the beach. You have become really excellent at shovelling and flinging sand. One could even say that it is your thing.

While up north you got to play a lot, and it turns out that you are a big fan of dandelions. You'll pick a bunch and give them to whoever is handy. Your Mom, Aunt Beck, Grandma, me. Its touching when you do it, because its a way for you to feel like you're doing something nice for one of the many people you love so much.

Your Mom also took you to Dairy Queen for the first time. I am so glad that she had the presence of mind to take a picture for me. Looks like you had a good time.

And in a move that I couldn't be happier about, it seems that you might, at least partially, be taking after the old man. I introduced you to (the kid-friendly parts of) YouTube this month, and every single time I open my laptop, you demand that we watch 'The Princess and the Elephant' starring Elmo. Most times I acquiesce. When I don't you sometimes take matters into your own hands.

Two new things that you have taken a recent likely to are bathwater and ketchup, both of which we find both hilarious and baffling. The ketchup does not necessarily need to be on anything; if we put a big old plate of the stuff in front of you, you'll tuck into it like we've just served you the best thing ever. The bathwater stems directly from us telling you not to drink it, and our protestations only cause you to guzzle the stuff faster.

As we did a few times last summer, we took you to the drive-in last week. Brought your Elmo chair and everything. You had so much fun. The only real problem was when it came time to leave, you couldn't get why we wouldn't just start Shrek 3 over again. So there were some obligatory tears. But you get over things like that pretty quick.

Hmm, what else? Just today I built you a cottage. Built is probably a strong word. I put a plastic prefab play sized cottage together for you today. That's probably closer to the truth. But it is awesome. You picked it out a few weeks ago and today your Mom and I picked it up and I set it up for you. I hope that watching you hollering out the windows never gets old, because its really funny to watch.

I'm not sure what else there is to tell you. We're not sure where we'll be having your birthday, because we don't really know where we'll be, or what city we'll be living in. Its kind of fun to live with uncertainty, though I don't highly recommend it for extended periods of time. I am really looking forward to your birthday though. I have something special in mind wherever we happen to be.

Cya next month.

Love,

Daddy

By the way, in case Future You ever wonders what you might have looked like when you had to get up at 5:30 am and drive Daddy to work, wonder no longer:

letter to trinity: 22 months

2007-05-06T20:36:00.000-04:00

Dear Trinity,

Once again I am writing you a letter while you are visiting your grandparents with your Mommy. I'm starting to think that at some point it might be prudent to just move the whole team up there and start saving on all those travel costs.

I miss you and your Mom a lot, but we figured that since I am in a part of my current schedule at work where I'm either at the office or sleeping, it was a good time for your Mom to take you to see your grandparents.

This past month has seen the last dregs of cold weather swept away and replaced with the kind of warm spring that we spend every winter waiting expectantly for. And we have been taking advantage of it. We have been spending plenty of time outdoors, with you on your big wheel, taking you to the park, just going for walks. It's been really nice, and it bodes well for the coming summer.

Now that we can start making plans for the summer, I am looking forward to picnics, trips to the beach (but we'll skip the swim in the polluted Great Lake), and playing in our soon-to-be-redone backyard. We're hoping to get you a little playground with a swing and a slide once we redo the lawn back there.

One of the fun things that we did with you this past month was introduce you to the traditional Easter Egg Hunt. Yeah, your Mom and I are atheists, but that isn't stopping us from having fun with all of the holidays we can throw at you. You loved the Easter Egg Hunt, but not nearly as much as you loved eating the chocolate that you found was inside them.

This last pic is one I had your Mom take of you as I was driving you both to your Mom's friend Joanne's place before she was to bring you up to your Grandparents place. I have been looking at it every few minutes since.

Can't wait to see you again.

Love Daddy

letter to trinity: 21 months

2007-04-05T20:59:00.000-04:00

Dear Trinity,

This past month with you has been busier than most lately, largely because your Mom and I didn't think we had been exposing you to enough different things. So we took you on as many different adventures as we could think of.

First, we took you to a local Sugar Shack, where they tap and make Maple Syrup, among other things. You tried your first taffy on snow. And you absolutely loved it. The folk singers and the maple woodcut branding you could clearly do without, but you and the taffy got along just fine.

We took you to your first waterpark and that went over better than I could have imagined. If we had the money, we would right now be installing a waterslide at home. You spent the whole time there either running through the kid's pool or laughing your way down the slide. It was a lot of fun for all of us.

We went on a few road trips this month too. We visited your Aunt Becky at her place in London. I don't know what she'll be doing with her life by the time you're old enough to read this, but as of right now she's finishing her massage therapy training. And just in case you're wondering, the free massages have been very few and far between indeed. We also managed to visit my Mom on the same trip. And since that visit wasn't a long one, it was manageable.

And not all of our visiting this month was done at other people's houses. My Dad came to visit us and so did your Mom's parents. Whew. I think the next time we see so many people in one month I'll just tell you who didn't squeak in a visit. Suffice it to say that not one of our visitors wanted to see me or your Mom. You are a very loved little girl.

I ended up getting some pretty good news related to my job this month. I got a better contract at my tech support job, and subsequently I went on an online shopping binge. Your new Super Pal Spider Man doll was just one of the fruits of that labour.

Hearing you sing 'Spidey-Man' is awesome, and totally worth it, but I'll try to keep my spending to a minimum next month so we can continue to afford the other stuff like food, diapers, clothes.

Love Daddy

letter to trinity: 20 months

2007-03-04T04:49:00.000-05:00

Dear Trinity,

In only four months you are going to be 2 years old already. Even though I am constantly struggling to be in the moment with you as much of the time as I can, I still cannot believe how fast you are growing up. When I wonder if it will always be like this, with the months and years sliding by at breakneck speed while I helplessly try to hang on to each moment with you I seriously have a hard time keeping from crying. Sometimes I win that battle, sometimes I don't. I honestly don't understand how people with their kids growing up around them manage to go through life without completely falling apart all the time. Maybe it gets easier?

This past month has scene a quantum leap in your vocabulary. Before now, you could string 2 or even three words together, mostly at random, and you would often imitate the words you heard coming from the people around you. Now, you are using short sentences, knowing the meaning of the content, and every word or phrase that you hear from us you parrot right back at us. My days of swearing are no longer numbered: They are over, unless I want you cussing like a tank-driver.

You have learned to sing a new song this month. 'Twinkle, Twinkle' sounds better coming from you than I've ever heard it, even if we sing the majority and you fill in the gaps we leave for you. And you are so proud of yourself when we finish singing a song or dancing a dance. You love being validated by us, and truth be told, its one of the highlights of my life too.

I took the opportunity to teach you a few gems this month that your Mom is pretty exasperated about. One of them is how to do a Silly Walk, after we watched an old Monty Python sketch about a guy applying for a permit for his ridiculous walk from The Ministry of Silly Walks. Really funny bit, by the way. In the skit, the applicant gets turned down, but I think yours would get approved right away.

You are getting to be quite the artist as well, pulling your Mom or I (or anyone else handy for that matter) down on the floor to colour with you. Colouring usually means you directing us to colour your favourite Sesame Street pal in between nibbles of red -violet.

We took you to see the indoor exhibit at The Butterfly Conservatory this past month, and as good a time as can be had in 40 degrees C and 100% humidity was had by all. You delighted to see the Butterflies flit about, but I think you might have been more interested in the other animals there, going so far as to point out and name the turtles for us. Watching you giggle as you tried to reach out and touch the butterflies as they flew by us was the highlight of that day.

And in spite of my prediction last month that February would be an exclusively indoor month we did manage to get you outside a few times, when it wasn't so cold. We got more than enough snow to make up for the poor showing that this winter had given Southern Ontario to this point. So even though your Mom and I experienced sore muscles and a strong desire to move to warmer climates from all the shovelling we had to do, we also got to help you build your first snowman. That made it all worth it.

One last thing before I go. In case you didn't know, or I have changed my interests by the time you can understand this, your Daddy is a bit of a comics geek. In particular my favourite superhero has always been Superman (followed closely by Green Lantern, Spiderman, etc, but they're not important to this story). Your Mom got me a pair of Superman PJs for christmas this year and because you are familiar with the character from seeing my Superman comics and movies lying around the house, as well as your favourite Dora episode starring 'Supermap', you were already familiar with the character. So the first time I put on my PJs and walked into the room wearing them, your eyes lit up and you yelled 'SuperDad'. And upon seeing how pleased I was with your new name for me, you decided that it is the thing to say whenever you see me wearing them.

Superdad. What else is there to say?

See you next month,

Love Daddy

letter to trinity: 19 months old

2007-02-05T19:45:00.000-05:00

Dear Trinity,

Today I look through the window at the cold winter inches away from me and all I can think is that I am grateful for our nice warm house. Its too bad that its not a little warmer out these days, because we have gotten dumped with so much more snow than we're used to in the last few weeks. Its just been too cold to have you out to play in it.

But that hasn't stopped you from wanting to wear your snowpants around the house all day, every day. And when we try to convince you that maybe it'd be better if you'd take the snowpants off, well let's just say that you let us know what a bad idea you think that is. Very vocally. No problem with your voice whatsoever.

It's been a pretty uneventful month around our house. I went away for 4 days to Las Vegas for a technology convention, and other than costing us money we really didn't have, it taught me that I never, ever want to go away without you and your Mom with me. I spent any free moments I had on the trip wishing you guys could have been there. Not necessarily in Vegas, you understand. Just away from the house on vacation together.

We've had a few things break on us this month, probably as a test the universe decided to throw at me for being such an anti-handyman. First our microwave and then our furnace. The replacement microwave had to be put together a bit before being installed and you were good enough to help me out in that department. By the time we were finished you knew words like screw and drill and were more than happy to tell me to do either as I grunted the thing into place and finally got it working. It kept my mind off the idea that I was going to hit a wire and short out the whole house.

You got to enjoy your first bonafide night of drinking and the corresponding hangover this month. I went out with a friend while you and Mommy kept my friend's girlfriend company, and on the way home I decided I needed a drunken fast food fix. You obligingly woke up the second we walked into the house and proceeded to scarf half of my cheeseburger and fries and stayed up with me until 2 am. And then first thing in the morning, you saw me in my sorry condition and rather than give me a hard time about it, you climbed onto the couch with me and hung out until I felt better. Good times.

You continue to vex your Mommy and me with your inability to sleep in your crib for any length of time. You flat out refuse to go to sleep in it, so we continue to wait until you're asleep, and then sneak you into your crib. And the instant you wake up, its back in our bed for the rest of the night. So to save our sanity and hopefully restore some semblance of normalcy your Mom and I are flirting with the idea of graduating you to a toddler bed. The problem is that your Mom and I are debating the bed to get you. I want a pink rocket ship, your Mom wants either a princess bed or a racecar. Either way it'll have to be big enough to fit at least one of us in it, because I don't see you giving up sleeping with us so easily. We'll see how that goes.

Over the next month I am expecting it to be mostly about being indoors with few outings, because its supposed to stay cold for quite some time, but I'm sure we'll find some fun things to keep winter at bay.

See you next month,

Love Daddy

letter to trinity: 18 months old

2007-01-05T02:47:00.000-05:00

Dear Trinity,

Your second christmas just passed, though this was the first year you had any idea what was going on. You really picked up on the whole thing; catching on to the idea of Santa, opening presents, knowing that all of the presents weren't solely for you, and happily handing over those to other people, albeit with the caveat that you help open them.

You got to spend this christmas at home, and besides being a big deal because you were involved, this year also marked the very first year that your Mom and I were actually at home for the holidays. Since we moved to Southern Ontario, every year has seen us dragging all of our presents, the dog, and a week or so's worth of clothes to stay with your Grandparents. Now finally, that treat is behind us. Don't get me wrong: I love your Mom's family. A lot. They have been infinitely more accepting and supportive of me than my own family ever was. (And that by the way, is the reason why you don't see my side of the family very much, in a nutshell.) But, the thing with being home is that I got away from enjoying the holidays because it involved travelling in bad weather, and not getting to relax at home.

And besides, we still went up to see them after christmas for the usual shenanigans.

So 18 months. I know how repetitive and cliched this sounds, but I really can't believe that you've been around for a year and a half. I so vividly remember the anticipation your Mom and I had while we waited for you to join us in our lives together. Its one of the very few instances that the real thing is actually so much better than you thought it would be. Most things go the other way every time, just so you know.

You have changed in this past month more than I've noticed in others I think. Your vocabulary is getting ridiculously large. We're hearing you string two word sentences together pretty easily now, and it is always a lot of fun to hear you making the connections that go along with different things. "Maya, cookie!" and "Mommy, up!" are two of my favourites lately.

You have also developed quite a taste for music now, particularly the kind that you make yourself. I think we may have a future drummer on our hands. I suppose there are worse things.

Another recent thing of yours is your decision to help out with the household chores. You have watched your Mom vaccuum so many, many times in your short life, that when someone got you a toy vaccuum for xmas, you knew exactly what to do with it and promptly started trying to clean under the closest chair.

You got spoiled rotten at christmas by the way. Not just by us, but by your Aunt Lisa, your Mommy's friend Joanne, your Aunt Beck and Uncle Dave, all your Grandparents. We could seriously upgrade to a bigger house just to properly accomodate all of the new toys in our lives. But you love playing with your stuff, so that's fun.

Here's a fun new thing you've discovered, one which I should make a huge deal out of, maybe along the lines of Columbus discovering America or something: TANTRUMS.

Yup, you've discovered them, and wow, do you go to town whilst having them. It seems that when you're asked to do something you don't like, or equally, are not given something you want immediatly, you opt now to flex your spine back like a cliff diver and scream at the top of your lungs. Which is staggeringly loud for one so very small. I haven't figured out the best way to deal with these, so I'm going with the time-honoured 'let it pass' philosophy, assuming that once you've cried yourself out about it, you might be more inclined to have another go. Reading this, you're probably old enough to have your therapist blame exactly that parental decision on any number of things that happened later in your life. Feel free to send me the bill.

You are one of the few Canadians that can say that they have seen snow this year. It snowed a little bit while you were up north with your grandparents. You were totally transfixed by it, and it was kind of too bad that it melted away by the next morning. Hopefully you'll get to see more sometime this winter so we can go out and ~~redo my childhood~~ make snowmen together.

One last fun thing: I am going away for my very first vacation away from you and your Mom next week. I expect you to know this by the time you can read this, (indeed, I kind of think you know already) but your Dad is a big geek. Plays with videogames, gadgets, computers. I am getting the chance to go to a big Expo for people like me this year in Las Vegas. But don't worry if you're upset that I'll be missing for a few days; I plan on stopping in at the Star Trek Gift Shop and I'll be sure to bring something back for you to wear that you will certainly hate me later for.

Love,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 17 months old

2006-12-05T02:37:00.001-05:00

Dear Trinity,

Another month, another long period of absence from you that I had to suffer through. You and your Mom and I went up north to help out with your Grandpa, who is/has been recovering from major surgery. Alas, I had to come back home to work, so I ended up missing out on another week of the fun that is hanging out with you.

You learned a whole host of words again this month. You learned the hard 'K' sound and have been delighting in saying words like 'Book' and 'Milk'. You have begun to string words together in 2 word 'sentences', and some of those begin or end with the newly understood 'Please'.

You continue to be so much fun to be around. When I'm not with you and your Mom, you're pretty much all I think about. I love that you repeat Daddy over and over every time I walk into a room. Even rooms I just left seconds earlier. I will never get tired of that.

You are facing your first 'real' christmas this year. And by real, I mean a season that you are actually aware of. I don't know how aware you are going to be of the whole gift giving and unwrapping thing, but you can be certain that you know about the ridiculous amount of presents in our closet and that they are for you. You have been regularly pulling one of them out and playing with it if that door is left open for longer than a millisecond.

Now I wouldn't want you to think that everything is a party with you all the time. That wouldn't be fair to paint a picture of your childhood that omits the bumps that came up along the way. I'm sure you want an accurate picture of things right? The funny part though, is that even when it isn't a party, its still lots of fun.

The other day you decided that you were going to test your Dad by seeing how long I would let you get away with playing your newly invented game of 'Smash Something As Hard As You Can Against The TV'. While it was funny to watch you smashing first a book, then a DVD cover, then a picture frame against the TV screen, all the while knowing I was not going to let you continue with each object, it was also interesting to notice how you were purposely doing it not at all because you wanted to play that particular game, but because you wanted to push my buttons while doing it.

That game was probably a very telling foreshadowing of things to come.

I love you,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 16 months old

2006-11-05T01:39:00.000-05:00

Dear Trinity,

I've mentioned this before, but I imagine that there will be times when you read these letters and you are less than thrilled with me or with things that I have done. But as I was leaving for work tonight, you came up to me, nonchalantly threw your arms around me and gave me the best, tightest hug you've ever given me. And then you smiled, released me and toddled off to play with whatever happened to catch your eye. I think it was a Sesame Street book.

It was all I could do not to just break down and bawl right there. As it was, I barely got out to the car for the tears welling in my eyes.

So if, during any of the times that you might come across these letters and wonder how I felt about you, and if even the seemingly insignificantest things you did changed my perspective on the world, if only for a short time, know that they did. And yes, Daddy knows insignificantest is not a word, but sometimes you gotta make do.

You have had another busy month as far as the learning and the milestones go. I have lost track of the foods you eat now, and that's not because I'm working or sleeping half the time. I'd be better off to say what you don't eat because you pretty much try everything your Mom and I have. Your unquestioned favourites right now are Ice Cream (which sounds like 'Eyes Chee' coming from you at this point) and Pizza (which sounds surprisingly like Pizza).

You celebrated another Halloween with us at home again, this time by stopping whatever you were doing every time there was a knock at the door and running over to help me dole out candy. You loved ooing and ahhing over the different costumes. You also loved slamming the door on the departing trick-or-treaters and running in to the living room to await the next batch.

You did not, however love your costume. Or even like it. To be completely fair, you pretty much hated it, and screamed until we took it off you.

You have been learning a lot over the last month. Your vocabulary flat out astounds me. Not a day goes by that we don't try to introduce you to a new word that you are only happy to reproduce. And the really interesting part happens when you pull the word out of nowhere a few days later, and use it in context. By way of example, we can't go by the produce aisle at the grocery store without you demanding an apple.

You have picked up on some fun bathroom associations too. One of them is to march in behind me when I get up and want to brush your 'teef', which we both do. I find this one uproariously funny, watching you run around the bathroom as I sing Raffi's 'Brush Your Teeth' song. Another bathroom trick of yours is to watch with unmitigated fascination whenever your Mom or I sit down to do business in there. And as much as this one will likely aid in you mastering what goes on most often in bathrooms, I can't help but find this one even funnier.

We have begun getting ready for the winter, and as part of that, we have had to buy you some more winter gear, and try on what we already had for you. You look more than a little silly in your vastly oversized snowsuit that was supposed to fit you this season, but I have no doubt that you'll be nice and warm in it.

I am looking forward to introducing you to winter this year. Last year you were too new to take you anywhere but in and out of warm places as fast as we could get you through the cold. This year I plan on taking you to the park, possibly in a toboggan, teaching you to make snowmen (or women, or Elmos or whatever). It should be fun.

Speaking of Elmo, you have officially developed your first real childhood attachment: Your 'Say Your Name Elmo Doll'. In case you don't remember him, we plug him into a pc, and can configure him to say all kinds of things, songs, games, etc. But the cool part is the name, because when he says it in that high voice of his, it tickles you no end. And there's nowhere you don't want to bring him along. That means sleeping, strolling, reading a story, shopping, even bringing him into the tub. That last one has presented the only major problem with the attachment, but we're working around it. I foresee a time when we look for a bathtub 'Wetsuit Elmo', but that time isn't here yet.

Your Mom and I have had a lot of fun doing some early shopping for this coming xmas. Never having been the huge fan of christmas that your Mom is, I'm finding that I am more excited this year for it than I have ever been. I'll be sure to let you know how that goes when the time comes.

I love you,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 15 months old

2006-10-06T05:02:00.000-04:00

Dear Trinity,

This week you turned 15 months old, and what a fun month it has been.

YOU ARE WALKING!

Yup, that bears capitalization. And repeating: You are walking now. Not just giggling as you lurch around from couch to chair to parent, etc. As fun as that was, and exciting in what it meant was coming, this is so much better.

You walk everywhere, and rarely crawl at all anymore, unless we're playing. You walk all over the house, outside, pretty much everywhere we go nowadays. And if we try to confine you to your stroller, or a shopping cart, or even carry you? You go crazy trying to get those feet flat on the ground so you can get there under your own power.

You also got to spend some more time with your new cousin, and you seem to be coming around to the idea that this little person is somebody to get interested in. I hope that by the time you can read this, you two are the good buddies that all parents involved would like you to be.

What else? Well we got to take you out for your first 'real' dinner out. We've taken you with us to restaurants before, but we always brought you a little baby food for your dinner. This time you got to hit the kids menu (kids pasta in alfredo sauce) and between playing with your own bowl of pasta, swinging your balloon around, and lapping up the attention being lavished on you from these strangers called waiters, you had a very good time. It is something we will definitely have to do again soon.

I guess these letters are a little bit like me breaking the boundaries of space time, in that I am writing to you from your past to a future when you will be able to read them. I hope that in that future you can get an idea of just how loved you are and how much joy you bring to your Mom and I.

Love Daddy

letter to trinity: 14 months old

2006-09-07T11:05:00.000-04:00

Dear Trin,

I'm writing this letter a few days late, and I can't say why I haven't found time to write this month yet. I spent my days off over the long weekend with you and your Mom, and it is hard to take time away from playing or reading a story or going to the park to write you a letter about the same.

So now before I crash for my day's sleep, I'll take the opportunity.

There have been some fun developments over the last month. You continue with the firsts: You're trying so many new foods that it really is hard to keep track. A few off the top of my head are broccoli, steak, mashed potatoes (which you love, btw). You also love to fling whatever it is you're working on in all directions. You really amuse yourself with that one.

You went on your first carousel ride this month. You went absolutely delirious riding that thing. I think the music kinda scared the crap out of you, but that was overshadowed by how much fun the lights, the movement, the horses were to you. You just latched on to Mom and rocked out the whole time.

You also tried out swings for the first time. Now we can't go by the park on our daily dog-walk without you trying to jettison yourself out of the stroller in an attempt to get yourself into one of the swings.

And that's another thing: You're vocabulary is increasing by leaps and bounds. Your version of swing sounds something like 'weeng', cheerios sound like 'cheer' and you have 'do' and 'des' for no and yes respectively. You have Mom down great, but you only trot that one out when you're very sad. You know, as you should, that Mom = Comfort/Safety/Love. Daddy, I'm happy to say, you've had down for a few months now. That will never get old for me.

You also have a new person in your life, as of sometime around 6:00 pm last night. Your Aunt had a little baby girl, and hopefully by the time you are old enough to read this, you've done a good job of befriending her and teaching her your unique view of the world.

Or of at least giving her some great ways to annoy her parents.

And here's a pic of my favourite part of my desk at work. If I ever get stressed out over an issue or bummed that I am not home half of the nights to put you to bed or read you a story, I look over at your pictures and remember what I'm working these crazy shifts for in the first place.

Love you lots,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 13 months old

2006-08-04T23:58:00.000-04:00

Dear Trinity,

So here I am finally getting comfortable with the fact that you are already in your second year of life and then I have to deal with not seeing you for A WHOLE WEEK.

Your Mom and you stayed up north with your grandparents while I had to come home and work six 12 hour night shifts in a row. And yes, I do feel that italicizing was appropriate.

I won't see you yet until the end of next week, which seems an eternity right now.

I miss you both so much. You more, probably because I got to spend the last ten years of my life with your Mom, so even though it's no fun whatsoever, I can dine on those years until I see her.

But you; you change by the minute at this age. I'm afraid that when you get home next week you'll ask me to drop you off a few blocks from the mall so as not to be seen with your loser Dad.

Ok maybe it's not that bad. But it's close.

What have you done this past month?

Well, you took your first ride in a shopping cart, which you absolutely loved. Don't worry: your Mom and I went through about 30 baby wipes sterilizing the thing prior to putting you in it. You spent the entire shopping trip laughing and swinging your legs around like a crazy person. You take so much pleasure from the things that I would totally take for granted and are a constant reminder to me to enjoy every silly insignificant thing that I can. I try to take a look around for those things now because of you, so I don't miss them.

You swam for the first time, first in a public pool at home with your Mom and Aunt Lisa and I, and then in the lake at your grandparents with me. You love to swim!

You have been practicing walking too. You've now taken a few tentative steps on different occasions and when you fall into my arms each time I just melt.

So in case you ever go through these letters when I'm not around or you can't get in touch with me, I miss you all the time when I can't see you. And I keep loving you more and more every day.

And right now, I can't wait to see you next week.

Love Daddy

letter to trinity: one year old

2006-07-05T01:40:00.000-04:00

Dear Trinity,

Today was your first birthday.

I've been both looking forward and dreading this day for a long time, because its such a huge milestone in your life with us, and because it means that you have been with us for a year already. I have a very hard time trying to get my head around the fact that you have been such an integral part of our lives for so long and it seeming like its been only a few moments.

You had more firsts this month: your first swim in your turtle pool, although swimming is a strong word for the splashfest you threw on my lap. That was a lot of fun!

You also got to go to your very first movie. We went to a drive-in to see Superman Returns, and while you slept through pretty much all of it, you managed to sleep well even with the warm summer air coming through the windows and the sounds of the movie pouring out of the radio.

This month, you went to the zoo for the first time, and even though it was a long day for you, you loved it. You particularly liked the parrots and macaws, because when you talked to them, they talked back.

You spent your birthday mostly with your Mom and I, though we had your Aunt Lisa and your Grandma and her husband over for a barbecue for lunch. We took you to get professional pictures taken of you in your birthday dress this morning and just like you do through most things, you laughed and smiled your way through the whole sitting.

You also got to go to another barbecue later this evening, one which I had to work through, but I heard from your Mommy that you got sang to by everyone there, and that event wasn't intended to be about you at all. My only regret about today is that I had to work and couldn't help put you to bed tonight. But that is tempered with the knowledge that your Mommy, who is such a good Mom, is there to do it for both of us.

We had your birthday party on Saturday, and we invited those people that you have come to know well over the first year of your life. We figured it would be hard enough having a few dozen people around, so we made sure they were people you knew well and were comfortable around. It must have worked, because you had a great time. You shared your day with friends, grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts, even your cousin-to-be showed up, though he/she was in your Aunt's tummy!

You got lots of presents from everyone, further proving how much everyone loves to spoil you. And you got to have your first ever taste of cake! Up until Saturday, your palette was limited to pureed veggies, fruit, and meats, and the occasional cookie. But you dove into that cake like you were born to it, and in so doing, you let everyone there know that you are your Mother's daughter.

I know that I have written along these lines before, but when your Mother gave birth to you a year ago, you changed our lives irrevocably and for so much the better than I would ever have believed possible. Every day with you is a joy, and I hope you know that I will always love and support you for as long as I live.

This last year of our lives has been so exciting and seen so many changes in you, I really don't know what to expect for the next 12 months.

I have watched you grow from the tiny, fragile being you began as into the animated, personable, beautiful child you are today. I have seen you crawl and laugh and point and cry and sleep and hug and wave and say Dad, and each of these things has humbled me and made my heart melt.

I can't wait to see what the next year with you will be like.

Love Daddy

letter to trinity: 11 months old

2006-06-04T14:17:00.000-04:00

Dear Trinity,

I've often heard people talk about how everything happens when they close their eyes for 'a second', and I always figured their perception of time is just more skewed than they would like to think. As in, "I looked away for a second, and she crawled all the way across the living room", or something similar.

It turns out I was wrong. Because I closed my eyes for a second and in that instant, you've gone from being a tiny, fragile newborn infant to a 22 pound, communicative, laughing child, complete with her own personality and everything!

I can't believe that the first year of your life is almost complete.

It boggles the mind.

You become so much more important to me each month, each day, each moment I get to spend with you. I don't know how I have the capacity to keep up, but somehow, there's more room to love you even after I think there can't be any left.

My working nights continues, and everytime I get up after sleeping the day after a shift away and see you light up like a newborn star as soon as you see me, my heart just melts. I love how much you love me.

So just in case you wonder after a particularly embarrassing moment spent with me (maybe you caught me singing or saying something completely uncool in front of your friends) if there was ever a time when you loved me for me, there was indeed.

And I can't wait for your first birthday. Your Mom and I are going to throw a little party, and invite your family and some of our friend's over to celebrate with you. We're going to buy you too many toys and likely regret letting you feed yourself your own birthday cake, but we can't wait for it.

And of course, this will be the first year of many that we'll be telling you that all of those fireworks being let off are not in fact for those Americans celebrating Independence Day, as people would have you believe.

They are, like everything else, just for you.

Love Daddy

letter to trinity: 10 months old

2006-05-05T01:42:00.000-04:00

Dear Trinity,

As of today, you have now been with us for 10 months. Almost an entire year!

I find my perceptions of time so confused since you arrived. At times, it seems like you've been with your Mom and I for as long as the two of us have known each other (which is at this point about 15 years so far). But at other times, it seems like you just got here, and in no small way made us realize how empty our lives were without you.

I have seen you both less and more over the past month. At the beginning of April I began working 12 hour night shifts 4 days out of every 8. So I have seen you less in the evenings (I miss putting you to bed!), but on my 4 days off I get to spend all my time with you and your Mom. So it’s working out great. I miss you and your Mom a lot, but I know that it’s worth it.

You have really taken this crawling thing to an unexpected level. You can get from our couch in the living room to the kitchen sink (maybe 20 feet) in less than 30 seconds. I know because I followed you trotting in to check out what your Mom was up to just the other day.

As always, you are more expressive, and emotive, and communicative. You are starting to tell us when you like or don't like things. Under the 'don't like' category, vegetables come to mind, particularly sweet potatoes. Because every time I wear them after a feeding wherein you spray them across my face, you are laughing your ass off the whole time.

You are starting to understand the finer points of spatial relationships. When we hide a toy under a blanket, you know that it is still there, and are absolutely delighted with yourself when you find it again.

Lately you have been really cultivating your separation anxiety. Or we have. I'm not sure which. When I leave for work you cry, and when I see you in the morning you go bananas. And when we are around people you don't know (or don't remember) you cling to us as tight as you can, making yourself feel as secure and safe as possible.

One last thought about nicknames. We've been using two new ones for you this past month.

The first, Trinitysaurus, is usually brought out at feedings that don't go at all as planned. Lots of roaring and spitting of food about. When we use this nickname it usually means I'm going to need a shower.

Your next one is trotted out only during the more sleepless of sleepless nights. When we can't seem to make you comfortable no matter what we do, that's when we call you the No-sleepinator. Sort of like the Terminator, but sweet and cute and the only casualty is sleep that I probably make up the following night.

Just in case these names don't stick and you never hear them again, I thought you should know that we had fun with you way back in 2006. I can't wait to see what fun you're inspiring over the next month.

Love Daddy

letter to trinity: 9 months old

2006-04-05T02:30:00.000-04:00

Dear Trinity,

It is now official. You've been with us now longer than the nine months we waited for you. (Not counting the 10 years we waited to decide to have you.)

You had a few more major milestones over the last month: Your second tooth showed itself, with only a little bit more fanfare from you than the first one.

And you crawled forward for the first time! You've been crawling backwards for months now, and in fact we figured since you were so good at it, you would just go from backwards to a full walk. But the other day you purposefully crawled forwards to claim a toy that was just out of reach. And you were so delighted by the praise we both heaped on you.

With one exception, you keep right on loving the different foods we've been trying you out on. This past week you officially made the move to carnivore after trying your very first meat. Strained beef I think it was called. The pic below describes your feelings about this far better than I ever could.

I don't know how its possible, but somehow you keep getting more important to me, occupying my thoughts somewhere between often and all of the time. And the longer you are with us, the more you are capable of returning our affection; the bubbly laugh you give when we play or read together; the whoop you yell out when I come home from work; the hugs you give when we cuddle together.

There has been one big change in my life this past month that only indirectly affects you: I took a 'real' job away from home in order to give us a more steady income and to help facilitate your Mommy staying home with you permanently. I miss you both so much; I guess I got used to working from home and getting to see you at anytime during the day. But the look on your face the first day I came home from work made up for any amount of missing you I will ever experience. If I get to pick which things I will forget as I get older, that moment is the absolute last one on the list.

Talk to you next month,

Love Daddy

letter to trinity: 8 months old

2006-03-04T14:04:00.000-05:00

Once again, we interrupt this blog's regular rantings about scifi, videogames, aliens and the occasional internet find to bring you the latest letter from a new Dad to his daughter. I continue to post these letters here, as it just seems wrong to set up a separate blog exclusively for writing letters to my little girl.

So without further adieu,

Dear Trinity,

Today you are now 8 months old. I woke up today to write this without being able to see you for the third day in a row. You have been visiting your grandparents with your Mom, much to my chagrin. I am on my way to see you today though, so I’ll get to hold my little girl again before the day is over.

You have had an exceptional month. You are now getting very good at crawling (still backwards, but Newton's first law says nothing about which direction the motion has to be in). Because of all this movement, we're in the process of converting the main floor of our house into a safe zone for you, complete with outlet covers, cupboard locks and baby gates. I even had to move my office upstairs to avoid any confrontations between you and all of my power cables.

You got your first tooth!

Without any indication from you at all, your first tooth appeared very unceremoniously about a week ago. Rest assured though that when we found it, there was more than enough ceremony to make up for your lapse. We called your Aunt Lisa over; we recorded some video of us making a GREAT BIG DEAL about it. And once you’re old enough to read about episodes like this, you will probably smile knowingly, realizing that this sort of embarrassing behaviour is in fact nothing new for your parents.

But it was a very cool moment.

As all moments pretty much are with you.

And yes, that is a videogame controler in your hand. For a few seconds at least, you were actually playing a game. It makes the old man proud.

Love Daddy

letter to Trinity: 7 months old

2006-02-05T02:54:00.000-05:00

Dear Trinity,

Sometimes it seems odd writing you a letter every month, considering how often I see you and how really hard it is to take a step back and examine how you've changed over the last four weeks each time.

Not that you aren't experiencing all kinds of changes all the time: You absolutely are.

Maybe it’s just that because I'm lucky enough to get to spend as much time as I do with you that it’s harder to notice all of the incremental changes.

So what are you doing now that you weren't doing a month ago?

Well, you've taken the whole backwards crawl thing to a whole other level, opting now to perform a sort of semi-circling crab walk in order to see what's going in your periphery. It’s really something to watch.

You have expanded your vocabulary ten-fold, adding some very novel strings of consonants and squeaks and whoops to your repertoire. And often, as you hold forth in that way that you do, I nod my head and encourage you and you keep right on babbling, as if we're having a completely 2 way conversation. I think though, that instead of me patronizing you, you really believe that it’s the other way around.

And you're probably right.

You are growing so fast it seems, though I really can only tell that one as you move through new clothes sizes (a lot of what you are wearing is already 12 months stuff), and when I look at pictures of you.

I accomplished what was likely the best gift-giving you can expect from me this past month: I found out about a USB Elmo doll that can be hooked up to a computer and be customized for your name, favourite things, etc. So now everyday, we hear you squealing with delight every time Elmo says your name in the middle of a song or a story. He's pretty seamless about it too. It’s maybe a little creepy, sort of like Bart's Krusty doll on that Halloween Simpson's episode. Don't worry; if you don't know what I'm talking about when you read this, we'll dig it up for you.

You are really developing an affinity for my somewhat unique sense of humour. As long as your Mom and I are laughing about something, you laugh along with us very easily. That’s likely to change right about the time you realize that I’m a goof, but in the meantime, we’re all having a blast.

You are eating real food now!

You’ve been eating first rice cereal and now oatmeal twice a day, with no problems at all. I can’t wait until we get to the good stuff: steak, ice cream, baby food jars of fruit.

You seem to have taken to your crib very well, although there seems to be a trend developing where you wake up in the middle of the night and need to be cuddled back to sleep in our bed. So now most nights I have a snoring Mommy and a smacking, hair pulling little buddy for company, but that’s just fine with me. I don’t know what I’d do in an empty bed anymore except be awfully lonely.

I hope you know how much you mean to me and you’re Mom. Talk to you in a month.

Love Daddy

letter to trinity: 6 months old

2006-01-04T14:56:00.000-05:00

Man who knew how fast 6 months could go by?

Unbelievable.

Well, I would say the first six months of parenting have gone a lot better than expected. You are funny and happy and you hardly ever cry. You sleep for almost 9 hours straight most nights, and I think you woke up for one early morning feeding this month. Not that any feedings have much to do with me, but I thought I'd mention it.

You can sit up on your own pretty well now, although you haven't yet found out how to balance yourself if you reach too far for something. And you still need an assist to sit up at all.

But man are you talking now. One day last week you discovered that you could make a kind of growling noise, and you spent the better part of the next two days growling through everything: changes, feedings, naps, etc. And every day since, you figure out new and interesting consonant sounds to add into the repertoire. It’s really fascinating to listen to.

You made it through your first Christmas and New Year's. And for a six month old baby, I'd say you did pretty well. You had a hand in opening many of your own presents, and you even managed to meet the big guy, thanks to a very cool Uncle.

Just FYI, some of your favourite presents from your first Christmas were a four key piano (from your Mom and me), a cartwheeling Tigger (from your Grandma Yemm) and a camcorder (from your Aunt Lisa and Uncle Dino). I say that its yours because they got it for the fam to record all the fun stuff you do. And if you're old enough to read this you're probably old enough to roll your eyes at this point, as I'm sure I've trotted the DVDs out many times.

Don't worry. I plan to save the good stuff for your wedding.

I hope that the next six months are as much fun as the first.

Love Daddy.

letter to trinity: 5 months old

2005-12-05T00:26:00.000-05:00

5 months.

Wow.

I can't believe how fast the time is going by now that I have such a huge reason in my life to mark time. And I am sure that I will be repeating that statement, or a derivation thereof many, mnay times over the coming years.

So what's happened in our lives since I last wrote you?

Your great-grandma, a woman that you never got the chance to meet, passed away.

She was the one person in my life that I could say truly lived her life on her own terms, at least until her dickhead of a son chose to get her license taken away and shove her in a home. She didn't take any shit from anybody, and she always spoke her mind. This of course, led to most people being offended after every conversation with her, and you know how much she cared about that? Not a bit.

Now don't get me wrong: I'm not suggesting that you live your life like she did. She did a pretty good job of pissing everyone off with her very open way of dealing with people. But I hope that you feel comfortable expressing yourself, albeit with at least a little regard for the consequences.

What else? Another great doctor's visit, where we were informed that not only were you growing well, you were actually in the 100th percentile for height for your age. That seems a little odd, since your Mom and I are 5'4" and 5'6" respectively. You're probably going to be taller than either of us by twelve, and that could make enforcing the rules a little tricky. But we'll ~~lock you in your room~~ cross that bridge when we get there.

You are more expressive and personable every day. Your face develops a new wrinkle or facial expression every other time I look at your face. And that face is (finally) starting to look a lot like the one I had when I was your age.

We're getting ready for your first Christmas, and your Mom and I are very excited. I'm going to go totally Griswold on the house now that I have a little baby to get into the spirit of the season. I hope you don't look back later and be too embarrassed, but I guarantee that for at least a couple of years, you're going to love it.

Love Daddy

letter to trinity: 4 months old

2005-11-05T02:58:00.000-05:00

Dear Trinity,

Today you turned 4 months old.

Its amazing how quickly 4 months can go by. The last 4 months before you came, while wonderful (your Mom was an awesome pregnant woman - beautiful, happy, glowing) sometimes seemed never ending.

But the last 4 have gone by so fast I can hardly believe it.

You are really developing a personality these days. You laugh when you think something’s funny, which is most of the time. You let us know when you're unhappy less by means of crying and more by a kind of an irritated grunt: Just shows that even when you're pissed, you're already being polite about it.

You spent the longest time away from me this month when you went with your Mom to stay with your Grandparents for a few days. Hardest week I've had to do in a very long time, though its doubtful you noticed my absence.

You dressed up for Halloween this year as a pretty pink bunny. You really were very cute. We stayed home all night and handed out candy, and got a visit from a few of your friends.

YOU ROLLED OVER FOR THE FIRST TIME!

I had to capitalize and exclamate that because that's just how elated your Mom and I were when it happened. If you set the first human foot on Mars later on in your life, I could hardly be prouder. Milestones can be so exciting.

I couldn't have foreseen just how comfortably you have ensconced yourself into our lives. All the time I/we spent before you came along seems like it was spent by someone else. Like life before you was fuzzy, indistinct. And now I have only to look at you and I can see clearly what's important, what matters.

Thanks for that.

Love Daddy

letter to trinity: 3 months old

2005-10-04T14:53:00.000-04:00

Dear Trinity,

Today you are 3 months old, an age that many parents and child experts use as a developmental milestone.

You are many things now that you weren't even a month ago.

For one, you are a hell of a lot bigger. You weigh somewhere around 14 lbs now, making you almost double your birth weight. Your face has really filled out, and you now look like I always expected a real live baby to look, rather than the unbelievably tiny, vulnerable, fragile being that you had been to this point.

You are becoming more articulate every day, having had the eureka moment of discovering that those noises were indeed coming out of you, and that they could be replicated at will. So now, not often yet, but every once in awhile you will blurt out a string of coos and squeaks, sometimes laughing a little about it afterwards.

And man, can you laugh. Most of the time when you smile its a fleeting thing, as something else quickly takes your attention. Sometimes you flash us your toothless grin, sometimes you give us a shy smile as you turn your head away, as if you're being coy and hiding a secret from your Mom and I. But sometimes you let loose with this wild giggle that sends my heart racing. You really amaze me.

And just for the record, and despite what the terrible twos might do to my recollections of your early months, you are a fantastic baby. You wake up happy in the mornings, you rarely cry at all, you play often and with enthusiasm, and you look around the world with such fascination, drinking in everything you're exposed to with the eyes of the truly innocent. You are a real joy to be around.

You can also be really funny, and have decided to expose your personality to us in measured doses. On the rare occasions that you are unhappy, you like to express your displeasure with a short, no-nonsense series of grunts. 'Pick me up', 'Feed me', Change me', all with the air of someone who is used to getting her commands obeyed quickly and without question. And when you tell us to do something, as of right now, we listen immediately. Maybe that's the novelty not wearing off yet. I hope it never does.

So to celebrate the 3 month anniversary of your birth, we decided to take you to Niagara Falls this afternoon, so that you can say later that we took you to see something that people travel all over the world to look at. And if we still live here when you're older, you'll take them for granted just like everyone else here does. You slept through most of it, but you ended up having your lunch under some shady trees within about a hundred yards of the falls, so that was kind of cool.

I have to go cuddle my little girl now, but I'll write you again next month.

Love,

Daddy

letter to trinity: 2 months old

2005-09-05T02:28:00.000-04:00

So I've decided to directly rip off Dooce.com's idea of posting monthly letters to her daughter on her blog.

I have already been writing to Trinity during the pregnancy, in the hopes that someday she will want to read what was happening in our lives, what we were thinking, feeling, doing, how she was developing, etc. I'm just going to make those letters available to my daughter via the internet, hopefully in perpetuity.

So here is the inaugural edition of the monthly letter to Trinity:

Dear Trinity,

This is the first in a series of letters that I will be writing to you. I intend to write you each month to update you on what has been happening in your life, what you have been doing, who you've met, etc.

Today you are 2 months old, and although the last 2 months have been the most hectic of my life (and certainly your Mom's), I know I can speak for both of us when I say that they have also been the most rewarding.

Since you've come into our lives, you have already changed so much.

You just came back from the doctor on Friday, and you've now hit over the eleven pound mark. You've been eating really well, and very often, so you aren't having any problems gaining weight. At that same doctor's visit, I'm sorry to say, you also got your first round of shots. It sounds like that could have been a lot more fun. I missed that appointment, but your Mom said that it was a pretty hard thing to watch.

Some days you look so much like your Mom its scary, but then the next day, I find that you look a lot like me. But most days, you are your own person. And you are such a beautiful little girl. I always used to think that babies all looked alike, and were mostly wrinkles and pink skin. But as I watch you change from day to day, as I watch your hair changing from the dark black you were born with to the chestnut brown it currently is, and your eyes deepen to the brilliant blue they currently are, I am amazed by what a unique, beautiful being you already are.

I love so may things about being with you:

I love the sounds you make sleeping as you lay on my shoulder, or in your bassinet, or in our bed beside your Mom and I. And every day it's new sounds with you. We sing and talk to you as often as we can, and you are already trying your best to replicate the noises you hear and see us making. You won't be doing any public speaking anytime soon, but you're already trying to communicate with us in a real verbal, non-crying way. Its just amazing.

I love that you have already shown us your beautiful smile. Your Mom uncovered it while playing with you after meal-time a few weeks ago. And contrary to popular opinion, it was not gas.

I love the way you look up at me when you bottle feed. That happens fairly rarely, as you are being breastfed most of the time. I know, ew, right? But every once in awhile, your Mom pumps a bottle, so I can have the opportunity to share in feeding you. In case you didn't know it (or won't admit it), she's a pretty cool Mom.

And I love that every once in awhile, I get to pick out the clothes you wear:

After all your Dad is a computer geek, although once you're old enough to understand that term, I think it will be a bit antiquated. But in the meantime, I love that you will be able to look back and see that you wore some cool clothes at such a young age.

I look forwad to seeing how much you change between now and next month's letter.

Love

Daddy